MockingJay Prolog
by KoMoose
Summary: Sorry for the really lame name! But it is what it says, full summary inside.
1. The Beginning

This is my version of the "growing together" part at the end of The MockingJay, from the night Peeta and Katniss get together to the day they have their first baby.

Chapter 1... The Beginning

As I walk out towards the doorway in the non electrified fence, I see the fresh food that is just now sprouting beneath the soft May sun. The door stands in the fence behind the mine, which is now a field full of bright green produce. I stop just as a gust of wind thrusts their fragrances into my face and I breathe in deeply, pulling their sent into my lungs. The aroma loosens up my mussels and helps my breathing become slower though still shaky. I stand there for a few seconds then continue on my way. My bow shifts around my chest uncountable but I don't make a more to rearrange it. As I hit the edge of the fence I stop and count to 10, my feet hit the ground with full force, propelling me into the forest and away from District 12. My chest tightens and becomes painful but I welcome it for it is not from sadness but from the exertion of running. I finely collapse, leaning up against a tree, my hands clutching my side as the cramps make me wince. Not a good idea, this was not a social visit with my wood, I have to hunt today. Peeta, Haymitch and I are running low on meat, which in turn means that the people of 12 were also running low, considering I am one of their main suppliers. Some people around the District have taken up hunting but only a handful. It takes a good 10 minutes for the stitch in my side to relax and after I'm sure it won't be a bother I go deeper into the brush. The sun is rising at my back as I move through the forest. I sigh as I hear all the familiar sounds and see all the familiar sights of the forest. This is the one place that hasn't changed. Though, with a pain -that has nothing to do with movement- I remember that they have changed. Gale is no longer in them with me, and will never be again. I push that thought aside and continue with my task. It takes about 20 minutes before I find game, in the form of a beautiful buck with velvet still on his antlers. Slowly I grab an arrow out of my quiver, notched it in my bow, breathe in and… it hit me.

"_That are you going to do with that Catnip?"_

_I watch as the arrow flies past the large deer and he turns, running deep into the forest_

_.-_Breathe Katniss, I command myself_-_

"_Damn it Gale!" I turn to see him standing behind me, his lips curved into a mocking smile. _

"_Oh come on!" He snaps, "what were you going to do with all that meat?"_

-Breathe in, breathe out-_ "Sell it." I say looking to see where the deer had gotten off to, maybe I can track him again. _

"_With all these Peacekeepers around?"_

-It will pass, I tell myself, just breathe-_ he asks with his eyebrows raised, I give up on the _

_deer and turn on Gale. _

"_What, you don't sell to Peacekeepers?" _

_He rolls his eyes –_Breathe Katniss-

"_Not on Reaping Day"_

My mussels stop working and the arrow is realest with out my say so. It sinks into the back of the deer's neck as it turns to run but the force of the shot pushes him to the ground. I must have cried out, my bow is trembling in my hands and I drop it as if it has electrocuted me. I place my hands on my knees and just concentrate on breathing, in and out.

_My name is Katniss Everdeen, I am 19 years old. My home is District 12, I've __survived two Hunger Games and the war. I am healing._

I walk over to the injured deer. "Shh…" I whisper as I move closer. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

The deer writhes in pain, I remove my knife from my pocket and stick it up and under the deer's ribs.

"I'm sorry." I say once more.

After I am sure that his heart has stopped I get to carving. After my bag is full of venison I continue down the stream until I find a few rabbits, this time I hit them directly in the eyes. The sun stands high in the sky as I make my way back to the district. No more then 3 miles out I stumble upon some blackberry bushes, here I sit and rest. I lean back, eyes closed as the sun warms my face. I lean over and pick a berry. I move it around in my fingers crushing the skin and watch as the sweet juice runs down my wrist. I sit here, eating the berries and feeling the sun. It's late afternoon when I put a good amount of berries into a shack for Peeta and head home. Distract 12 had been restored and Peeta's family bakery is repaired, though it doesn't look like the old building. Peeta had made a lot of changes to it, one of the biggest is that the his bake goods don't cost half as much as they use too. He would have probably made them free if we had as much money as we did before the war. Victors don't have the endless money supply anymore, most of the government's money is going towards rebuilding the Districts and fixing everything the Capital and the Revolution broke, though no ones as poor as they use to be. The bell rings over my head as I enter his fam… I mean his bakery. It smells wonderful, with the bread that he'd baked this morning.

"Peeta?" I call out,

"In the back, Katniss."

He looks so tiered, the dark circles under his eyes are more pronounced in the heat from the ovens, though he looks so much better then when he first got back in August. He has all his mussels back and his eyes are back to their sky blue, with no more clouds in them. He's episodes are less frequent but still happen often enough that someone needs to check on him when his baking, usually Haymitch and I, but sometimes Delly checks in too, though he hates hafting to be 'babysat'.

"Mmm, what smells so good?" I ask, he smile.

"Herb bread, with nuts."

He sets the fresh baked breads on the counter and gives me a strict look.

"Don't touch them."

I roll my eyes.

"Oh, I have something for you."

I reach into my bag and pull out the berries. He reaches out for the sack, takes out a few berries and propels them into his mouth.

"Ooo perfect, thanks Katniss."

I nod my response. We stand there, neither one of us brave enough to rupture the silence. He moves about baking and I fiddling with my fingers. After a few minutes Peeta is the first to sever the stillness.

"So," he commence "how was you call with Dr. Aurelius last night?"

At first I wonder how he knew, but then I remember that we have our sections on the same day.

"Fine." I say smoothly. He gives me a inquisitive look.

"Well, we talked about the nightmares, the panic attacks, um… he asked me that I do

during my days."

"And?" He asks, probing for more information.

"And what?" I reply innocently.

Peeta walks over to me and puts his hands on my shoulders. His hands are strong and warm from baking. The feeling of them gives me comfort the way he always does.

"Katniss, what is it?"

I didn't want to tell him about my panic attack in the woods or the one question Dr. Aurelius wouldn't let me steer clear of. We have this sort of unspoken rule to just let

things be for know, to not worry about, it, us.

"Its nothing Peeta." I tell him so softly that I don't think he hears me since he doesn't answer, but his eyes are full of understanding. A faint smile slips onto his face, and he reaches up to caress my cheeks, his touch sends warmth throw me. I tell myself it's only because I'm cold from being in the woods all day, but I know it's a lie.

"he asked you?"

He nods,

"what did you say?"

"The truth, that we're friends." He says, giving me a smile.

The anger rips throw me as it does every time I begin to enjoy his touch. I don't deserve this, so many dead because of me. Annie has to raise her year old son all on her own because I was a stupid girl bent on revenge. My sisters death sways like a hallucination in front of me and I pull away from Peeta. If I had just done what I was told like a good girl she would still be here. The hot tears embark on a long, uninterrupted journey down my cheeks, my neck, and through the cracks of my jacket. Peeta's face becomes blurry, but his words is still clear as a bell.

"I'm sorry."

"No," I cut him off. "It's nothing you did. Its me Peeta, its all me."

"Katniss." He whispers softly, but his words are muffled by the roaring in my ears and he is no longer visible, all I see are their faces. Prim, Boggs, Rue, Cato, the tribute from district 1, all the people of 12 who blew up! Finnick, Annie, their son, who I have never seen but can imagine perfectly. Sea eyes like his father, brown hair like his mother, the boy who, because of me, will never, ever meet his father. Then I see his face, my fathers face, then my mother, sitting on the bed, dead to the world. How can I have ruined so many lives and yet justify a life happy in Peeta's arms. I turn and run, fleeing.

"Katniss!"

I hear Peeta yell, his voice full of pain and concern. I don't know how I've gotten home, but I curl up in my closet. There is no point to really try to hide, -Peeta knows of my hiding places- so I don't even bother closing the door, but to Peeta's credit he doesn't come to find me. My mind is spinning with a hundred different emotions. Then something hit me in the chest like a wrecking ball, I don't deserve happiness, but Peeta does. Then I picture them, Peeta's family, the ones that he lost. His father, mother and brothers and a new wield of grief hits me. He's lost so much too, his whole family is gone, everyone he loved and cared about. Most of his friends were dead, all of his friends, only Delly survived and he has dead tributes haunting him too. The ones that he killed or had to stand there, watching as someone alts did it. He went through the war, been tortured almost beyond repair. He has gone through everything I have, more actually. Its dark when I am able to move my limbs again. I move downstairs to see that someone, probably Greasy Sae, has snuck in and left me dinner, soup. Then I see the bread I was told me not to touch on the table. Peeta. Without taking another look at the steamy food, I make the 2 minute walk, down the road, to Peeta's house. I see his shadow moving about the upstairs rooms. His art studio. Without knocking I open the door and walk through.

"Peeta." I call into the dark house, no reply.

I begin making my way up the stairs.

"Peeta?" I call again, but still there is no reply.

My hand is raised to knock on the door of his studio when it opens and Peeta is standing in the doorway. He looks haggard, even more so then he did at the bakery. The paintbrush in his right hand is dripping with the color of soft pink and I can almost hear the drops of paint hit the floor.

"Can we talk?" I ask.

He turns without a word but the door was left open so I begin to follow.

"No." He says sharply and I jump at the sound, "Give me a second." He said tenderly, making up for the harshness of his earlier words. "Can you wait in to living room?"

I nod and leave him in the doorway. I run through the speech in my head, everything I'm

going to say to him. I'm on the couch, knees curled up into my chest, when he come

down the stairs and sits on the chair next to the hearth.

"Can I go first?" He asks, and I nod. "I just wanted to say that I am sorry," I open my mouth but he cuts me off. "Please, let me get this out." He begs. "I'm trying not to push you into anything but I know that just knowing that I love you has to be hard."

He doesn't breathe or blink, his eyes are fixated on mine as he talks, begging me to understand.

"I know you're hurting, and I'm trying not to add on to that."

He looks down now, studying his feet. I get my words out before he continues.

"And what about you?" I ask, "what about your pain?"

He looks up. "I'm luck," he says "I don't remember most of the Hunger Games. Well not clearly anyway, I know enough that I'm affected by them, still have nightmares about them. I love my family, and friends Katniss and I miss and mourn them, but I was never close to any of them. My fathers," He stops and takes a deep breathe. "His the worst, but my mother and brothers, I wasn't that close too. It's no where near how you feel about Prim." He stops and thinks for a second before continuing. "I've been talking to Haymitch, and I'm going to leave 12 Katniss, if you want me too."

I can hardly breathe, the though of being stuck here without Peeta, without him, him gone, Peeta gone, not here, out of my reach. I should speak, say something but I can't. I can't move, the thought of him gone has left me immobilized. He's still looking at the floor. No, I should to say, no don't leave me, but I can't bring them to my lips, instead I say. "Is that what you want?"

He looks up at me, "No," He whispers, "You know what I want."

"Why?"

He's face changes but I can't identify the emotion that smeared across his face.

"Why do I want you?"

I nod, but he doesn't see in the dark. "Yes. I have been nothing but cruel and selfish from the moment we stepped into the first arena. I left you when you had been tortured by the capital. I killed all those people, I ruined their lives," I speak the list that is in my head. "Boggs, all those people who are now buried in the meadow." I'm yelling now, not at him but at me, and of course Peeta just sits there and listens. "Rue, Cato, the boy from district 1, Peeta… god Finnick." I start sobbing again. "Prim." I breathe. "Your family." I can see his tears, glassy on his cheek in the moonlight that flows through the window. Now its my turn to look at the floor. "I don't… deserve you Peeta. I don't deserve a happy life with you. But you-"

His voice is so harsh and cold, it stops me in my tracks. "How dare you."

I look up into his face.

"How dare you ever think that you killed them." He raises from his chair and walks around the room, never taking his eyes off of me.

"The only people you pulled the trigger on were Cato and Marvel and even their deaths were the product of the Capitol." He leans down on the couch and grabs my face with so much force that it hurts, willing me to hear and understand him. "Rue, my family" He pauses. "Damn it Katniss, Finnick went with you willingly, he died for something that would give his son a brighter future." He grabs my hand and half drags; half leads me up the stairs. The door to his studio opens with a bang, but this time when I flinch he makes no move to sooth it. He flicks on the light and I cover my eyes in pain but when they regain force I can see it. It's so real, even half way done, she was here in the room with us. The pink on Peeta's paintbrush had been used to paint primroses on a canvas, and my Prim's beautiful, smiling, child like face is among them. No pain, no tiredness, it is a Prim who had never been through pain, never almost starved to death. She is a Primrose that had never went through the anguish of hafting to watch her sister battle for her life. She's a Prim from another, happier world. Peeta's next words though spoken as soft as a feather cut me so deep its surprising that the wound isn't fatal. It's a miracle that my heart is still working, beating, pushing and pulling my blood too and fro.

"How can you insult her memory by thinking that she, that they would want you-"

If he spoke the late words I didn't hear them, if they were spoken it was no more then a movement of his lips. My knees do not buckle under my weight; I do not cry and shake from pain or rage. I'm not angry with Peeta for speaking these words, the words that hurt so badly I felt no pain. I reach out for Peeta and his arms surround me, holding me so tightly that its almost painful, though I wish he'd hold me tighter. I can hear Prim's voice in me ear telling me that it was okay, that I'm okay. I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his neck. We stand this way for a long time, then Peeta's arms slack.

"Lets just take this slow." He says, "we can-" he looks for the right set of words. "Do what we would have done if I had talked to you-"

"Peeta," I interrupt. "There is to much history written to try to rewrite it, and, I already love you." I say this so simply that I'm shocked, why hadn't I said it long ago. The mater was so obverse it was stupid. Johanna is right, I am brain-less. I love Peeta Mellark, I've loved him since our first Hunger Games, really though, I think I've loved him longer.

Peeta doesn't move, he doesn't breathe as though he's afraid of popping this moment like a soap bubble.

"Peeta." At the sound of his name he comes back to life and his lips crush mine with such intensity that I'm not sure how to react. He's been holding back, every kiss he's given me, he has kept under control. But now, now that he knows that I love him too he can show me just how much he loves me. He puts it all into this kiss, his love for me, his pain and anguish. Everything he wouldn't let me see, because he is still trying to protect me. Even now with both of us so broken, he guard me from seeing just how broken he really is. I haven't seen the half of it, how much he hurts and how much he loves me. We come up for air and he rests his forehead on mine.

"I love you Katniss." He whispers.

"Really?" I ask just to hear him say it again.

"Yes, I love you Katniss Everdeen."

My eyes close and I feel my smile increase. His lips are on mine again, his hand on my face.

"I love you too," my hands grip his back. "Peeta Mellark."

His chuckle vibrates on my lips as our mouths move together. His hands move to my waist and his lips move up my jaw to my ear.

I hook my arms around his neck as he whispers "I love you."

My fingers weave into his hair. We will never be able to say this enough.

"I love you too."

His lips move down my jaw, to my neck and I'm struck with the hunger I felt only twice before, but its so new now. Unlike the other times it surfaced then the world was watching and our lives depended on our 'love', this time, our love, this kiss,

was only for us. My back is pressed up against the door as our kiss gets deeper and deeper. I reach my hands under his shirt, my fingers dancing across the scared mussels of his stomach. His hands disappear from my body and I feel the cloth of his shirt brush against my hands, then my check as he removes it, giving me better access. My hands don't hesitate as they explore his upper body, moving across his chest, shoulders and back. I sketch the outline of his scars with my finger tips, memorizing them. I'm so immersed in his scars and the feeling of his bare skin under my hands that it takes him saying my name twice to get me to see that he's trying to remove my hunting jacket. My shirt quickly follows and the feeling of his skin on mine was electric. His hands moves in a similar patterns that mine did. His hands send shivers up my spin and down my arms and legs. My head hits the door as his fingers dance on my collarbone. He is clearly satisfied with my reaction and his lips soon follow suit. His hands move down my side to grip my hips. He lifts me into the air and holds me there in his arms. My legs snake around his waist so he doesn't have to take my full weight. I burry my face in his hair and inhale deeply as his lips move downward from my collar bone. He presses me up against the door freeing his arms. His hands are on my ribs, as his lips move against my chest. I grab his face, lean it up towards mine and kiss him. Now I put it all into the kiss. All my love for him, all my pain and he takes it, he takes it all.

"Peeta." I say after 3 minutes, as I'm awakened to the pain in my tailbone. "this hurt."

He takes a step back to get me off the door but his counterfeit leg doesn't land right. A grunt breaks out of his lips when he hits the hardwood floor.

"Ouch." He moans,

"Very smooth." I tease still on top of him.

"Shut up,"

I chuckle and lean in. He kisses back but his not as into it. Then I realize that the fall knocked the wind out of him. Well not the fall, me landing on his stomach knocked the wind out of him. I roll off but he keeps his hand on the small of my back holding me to his side.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just give me a minute."

I prop myself up on my elbow and look down at him. His eyes are closed, his chest is raising and falling and his lips are parted as he tries to get air into his lungs. I run my fingers through his hair, over his forehead, across his eyebrows and down the brig of his nose. His breathing slows as I brush the smooth skin of his eyelids. My fingers trace his lips and they move to kiss my fingertips. His hand engulfs mine and I look up to see his eyes on me. He pulls my hand to his mouth and kisses my palm, then the inside of my wrist. His eyes are so soft I can almost see the water in them ripple. He leans over me, propped up on his elbows, just high enough above me so I can see his whole face. His warm breath washes over me. My leg creeps up his and hooks around his waist. His hand meets my thigh and I close my eyes as his face gets closer to my own.


	2. When Old Friends Drop By

Chapter 2... Then Old Friends Drops By

I wake up to a change in scenery. I'm in a bed, my limbs snared in silk sheets. My body is sticky with sweat and the cloth of the blanket sticks to my bare skin. I sit up and see Peeta, asleep next to me. He looks so peaceful. No nightmare last night, I think to myself. I run my hand over his chest and down his stomach. His hand catches mine and I look up at him. He has his arm under his head, his hair is scruff from a restless night and his eyes… his eyes that were clear last night are cloudy in the crisp morning light. I hear my breathe hitch, he's not have an episode, I tell myself, he's struggling with a memory.

"You love me," he whispers, unsure. "real or not real?"

I smile down at him and squeeze the hand he holds mine with.

"Real."

And I know its true, looking in the eyes of the cloudy, unsure Peeta, I know now, even more then I did last night that its true. I know that no matter what had happened that this, Peeta and I, this would have happened. Because what I needed to live, to survive is not Gales flames, I have that in an abundance. I need the love and hope that Peeta gives me. I need his love and his strong steady arms to fend away my nightmares and keep me sane. "Real." I repeat and a smile spreads across his face. "And, last night?"

"Real." I laugh. I reach down and kiss him. "Very, very real."

He repositions himself and with one hand still holding mine runs his other over my body. His eyes get clearer and clearer, the more we kiss and tangle our limbs under the sheets. I lift myself up from his body and look around his bedroom.

"I moved you there in the middle of the night." He says answering my unspoken question. "well this morning. I thought you'd be more comfortable here then on my Art Studio's floor." He added with a wink.

I roll onto my back and stretch. Peeta gets out of bed.

"come take a shower with me."

I bit me lip. "I think I want to rest."

He gives me a sad, puppy dog look, but seeing I won't budge, gives up.

"Fine." He says grumpily, and I laugh at him.

"And cover up." I add, throwing the blanket over my head. I hear him laugh as the blanket covers me in darkness. I lean back into the pillow and scenes of last night flash in front of my eyes; a kiss here, a touch there, pain, warmth, a laugh, a moan, the feeling of wet paint on my skin, Peeta teasing me for hafting to walk me through it. I smile remembering what he told me when I miserably asked him if he had done it before. _"Brothers Katniss."_ He said with a shutter and refused to elaborate. I untangle myself from the blanket and sheets and move to the bathroom. Peeta is gone by the time I get there and I draw myself a bath. The water is so cool on my skin and I stay in until my fingertips become raisins. I walk back to the bedroom, wrapped in Peeta's robe when I see that the door to his Studio is open. I walk inside slowly as though I'm invading his privies. There's paint all over the floor, and many things are knocked over, though we took great care around his painting. Our cloths are scattered on the floor, I move about them, I kick aside his shirt to reveal a small pool of blood. I gasp and clutch my stomach, as visions of blood consume me. I whimper and look down at myself. I saw no cuts when I bathed, was Peeta… Then I remember, the pain, the blood, Peeta's lips never leaving mine as the pain grow then subsided.

Still in the robe I make my way down the stairs. I inhale the smell of eggs and venison coming from the kitchen. Peeta's back is to me, so I just stand there, leaning against the doorframe, watching him. He's wearing a long sleeve shirt that looks cozy and warm. His hair is slicked back from his shower and he looks clean and refreshed. I see bread on the table and a plat of eggs and meat. Peeta turns to add another egg to the plat and grins when he catches me spying.

"Hi." He says softly.

"Hi."

He turns off the stove and comes to the door.

"You have another of these shirts?" I ask, tugging on his collar. His arms pull my tight against him.

"Middle draw."

I kiss his lips and pull away.

"Oh and there's a pair of your pants in the bottom drawer. You left them here then we were have one of our, 'fend away the nightmares' sleepovers." He added when I gave him a confused look.

"Umm, I'll clean up the Studio after breakfast." I tell him, blood floods my face as I add, "and the blood." when I reach the top stairs. I get a sickening feeling in my stomach, I hope it comes out. He says something after me but I can't make it out.

After I slip on the comfy gray shirt and my pajama pants I start to poke around. In his top drawer I find pictures, well sketches, his sketches. About things he loves and lost. There is a picture of his father working in the bakery, his mother and brothers faces take up another sheet of paper. There's one of people I'm guess are his friends, I can pick out Delly among them. The next is of Haymich, in his house, a drink in his hand, then of Peeta's stylist Portia with Cinna. The sight of him makes my chest tighten. There's a bunch of Prim, sitting in a chair smiling, standing with a piece of paper in her hands. "Those I did when I was in 13's hospital." Peeta's voice chimes from behind me. "it was when I was still…" he pauses "insane, they didn't have me in restraints but they still kept me under guard, and I couldn't have anything close to a weapon." His hands rub my shoulders. "Your little sister snuck me a pencil and paper; she sat down next to me and asked me to draw her. I was half way done when someone finely noticed." He reaches around me and flips over two photos, to reveal a drawing of my mother. "She was scared at first, angry as hell at the guard but when she saw what I was doing she told them to let me keep it. She said it was the fact that I was smiling, that that was the reason she told the guard to leave me alone."

I feel something wet on the back of my head and Peeta's breathe staggers. "but, she would take it away then she or Prim left. I only got it then they were visiting, but they were there almost every day so…"

I continue to flip through the sketches, all done at the hospital. There is many of Prim and my mother, one of Dr. Aurelius and a few other unnamed Doctors, some of nurses that I do recognize as ones that looked after me in the hospital. I smile when I see one of Haymitch, asleep on a chair, there's Finnick, Finnick and Annie, then Joanna, and Delly. A pang of guilt shoots me, none of them are of me, because I never went to see him. Just add that to my list of regrets. There is some of me but not from the hospital.

"That one was from memory, it was a fresh memory though."

"Yeah, I remember that day." I tell him.

It happened a month ago. My mother had come to visit, it only lasted three days, but I understood why. The drawing was of her and I, the "Y" in "Bakery" was in the picture. I'm walking with her arm through mine. I was showing her everything that had been rebuilt.

"We stopped by the Bakery." I remember, she was so happy to see Peeta back to baking and "looking healthy" she had said. Apparently they had bonded in the hospital. We spent most of our time there that day, visiting with Peeta, helping him out at the Bakery.

Peeta takes the drawings out of my hands and puts them back in the drawer.

"Come on Katniss, breakfast is getting cold."

After breakfast and a fight over who would clean the blood on the Studio floor, in which I won on account of embarrassment, Peeta and I walk –for the first time- hand in hand to the bakery, where I stay for the rest of the day, helping in the store. Life goes on like this, when I'm not hunting I'm in the Bakery or delivering food. Peeta and I sleep together but know for other purposes then just fending away nightmares. After a month I find that I have completely moved into his house, without either of us talking about it. It happened so gradually, it started with a few articles of cloths at his place, then I had half a draw, half the dresser… and so on. My medicines move into his bathroom cupboard was not as subtle. I used the excuse of sleeping at him home so I didn't have to take my morning meds, when Peeta figured it out he walked over to my house and grabbed my meds.

"No more excuses." He said with a kiss. The day it really dawned on us is then my mother called Peeta's house phone and asked to talk to me. Boy did Peeta have a good laugh.

"and how has Peeta's episodes been." Asks Dr. Aurelius during my section. I look around to see where Peeta had gone, he was here, his smile growing as I explain our situation. I listen hard and when I'm sure I hear the water of the shower I say into the phone.

"I'm not sure if I can say that there better. I'm not sure if there still as frequent but I can't see if there better or not. He's worst episodes don't last more then 20 minuets though. And that's start to finish, it takes a few minuets to calm him down after there over."

He must have me on speaker in his office cause I can hear his pencil scratch across his paper.

"Any violent out bursts during them or after?"

"No," I say honestly, "just a lot of shacking, and moaning." I add sadly.

"Does he ever tell you what there about then its over?"

"Why are you asking me that?"

"I'm wondering if he talks to you about them, not so much what their about."

"No," I say "but I never ask." Then I think for a moment. "Well, if its really bad I do, but he just says there scenes from the Games. He says there like nightmares during the day." I hear him scratching more and I can't help myself. "Is that true?"

"I'm not the person to tell you that Katniss."

Just then a knock comes from the front door.

"I let you go. Tell Peeta that I'll call again on Monday, around, lets say… noon?"

"Looking forward towards it." I say sarcastically and hang up the phone.

The only good thing to come out of todays section is that my Anti-Depressant medication has been reduced and that Peeta doesn't trust me enough to tell me what his "nightmares during the day" are about, or the ones during the night. He wont even let me see the paintings. The knock sounds again, this time louder.

"I'm coming." I yell impatiently. I walk over and open the door… he looks exactly the same as he did in 13, minus their uniforms. His hair is still brown and scruffy, eyes still the gray that pins him as a boy from seam.

"Hey Catnip"

I move back into the kitchen and I can here the door close behind us. I turn to him, I still can't fully fathom that he's hear in Peeta's kitchen, in my kitchen. Gale's eyes are looking everywhere but into mine. I can feel the anger bubbling inside me. I turn away from him and busy myself by cleaning up after breakfast.

"So you're back in 12?" I ask in a madder-a-fact way, letting no emotion slip into my voice. I put back on the mask he's seen time and time again, but with some difficulty. With Peeta I never have to put in on, and he can tell if I do so there's really no point.

"Umm, no, just ah, just visiting."

I nod as though it means little to me. I can feel the tears come and I hold them back with all my might.

"Visiting your family?" I ask.

"Yeah, and ah, you."

I can feel them now, slipping down my cheeks, but my back is still turned so I don't whip them away, I just let them fall. I can't tell if there out of anger or sadness, but it doesn't mater to me, those two emotions are so close together in my mind that there's really no difference between them.

Now I can't keep them out of my voice. "Remember me did you?"

"Katniss,"

I forgot how silent his steps are, he has his hands on my shoulders and turns me to look at him.

"Katniss, I would have come sooner, but I thought you wouldn't want to see me."

"Didn't want to waist a trip." I spat and push him away me.

"Its not as cold as that. I needed to think, and I knew you did too. I know you still blame me-" he cuts off and looked at the floor.

I wrap my arms around my midsection, trying to hold myself together, to keep the pain from pulling me apart.

"You left me hear." I whimper.

His eyes boar into mine. "No…"

"Yes, you left me in the ruins of district 12, with all the skeletons!" I shriek.

"Katniss." He reaches up and bushes the tears off my cheek.

I squeeze my eyes shut.

"Katniss, I'm so sorry." H e lets his hand rest on my cheek. "Kat-"

"Get out." I hiss through my teeth.

He takes my face in his hands. "Katniss please listen to me."

"Get out now!" I scream in his face and push him as hard as I can away from me. I can feel my mussels start to give way but keep a hold on my stomach.

"Katni-"

"That is enough." Calls a voice from behind and I feel Peeta's arms wrap around me.

I let myself go and he holds me up. I burry my face into the crook of his arm.

"I heard a rumor that you were back." Peeta says is voice hard.

"I got here a week ago. You heard and didn't tell her?"

"I wasn't going to convey rumor Gale, and I thought that if they were true I wouldn't have to."

Gales words finely register.

"You've been here for a week!" I yell, ripping myself out of Peeta's grip and advancing on Gale. "You've been here for a week," I say, my words accompanied with a punch to his shoulder that would have landed on his face if he wasn't so fast to cover up. "And you come now!" Thud, "Why now?"

Peeta's arms restrain me as he pulls me away from the Gales huddled form.

"I-" He crooks,

"Why now?" I scream again, struggling against Peeta's grip.

With a huff he heaves me into the air, then back on the ground. Peeta stands in between Gale and I.

"That is enough Katniss."

"I didn't wait until now!" Gale grunts, holding his shoulder. "I went to you're house every day since I got here, and I've gone out into the woods to sit in our old meeting spot incases you came by."

I have never seen Gale cry, not for as long as I've known him, but there they are. Of course he couldn't find me at my old home, and I put the widest birth I could around our old meeting place.

"You two do a fine job of keeping you lives privet, I didn't even know you lived here."

Peeta gave me a look. "Then…" He begins but Gale cut him off.

"I was coming to see if you knew where she had gotten off too, I had gone to Haymitch but his wasn't home."

"His in District 4." Peeta says.

"Yeah well, so I finely came here." Gale finishes.

"And why didn't you do that early?" Peeta asks.

"You can blame it on Seam Pride. I didn't want your help finding her."

"Jesus Christ." Peeta growls, "After everything-"

"Yes Peeta, after everything." He laughs without hummer.

"And why did you wait a year to come back?" I whisper, my voice cracking.

"I was," the tears are free falling now, "ashamed." He finishes.

No, I don't want it, the guilt that comes with this. I don't want too… forgive him for leaving me here, for making the bomb that killed Prim. Feel guilty for the anger I feel towards him. I run out into the day, my first thought is the forest but I just continue down the path to the Bakery. I have walked through this door how many times, and yet the sound of the bell makes me jump. I curl up in the corner of the room, out of view of the door and windows and let the panic attack take over.

"Katniss!"

I hear Peeta's voice yell from outside. I roll over and look out, through my hazy vision I can just make out Peeta's figure, standing where the apple tree use to be.

I notice that the only reason I can see him is because the Bakery's outside light is on and I can't see anything in the blackness beyond him. I hold back the tears and try to look out into the darkness.

"Anything?" I hear him call out.

"No." I hear the voice that belongs to Grease Sae tell him.

I guess 'Gale+me trying to kill him in the kitchen'+'panic attack'+'running off'+'missing all day'='Peeta sending out a search party'. I can say a blame him, and the second my eyes catch the clock I'm ashamed of myself. The clock reads midnight, my call with

Dr, Aureluis ended at 10am; between my multiple panic attacks I must have fallen asleep. I look back outside, Peeta's leaning against the fence, I whip my eyes and can just make out the fear in his face.

"Oh, damn it." I whisper.

Peeta looks towards the Bakery and his face relaxes. He walks up the stairs and I lean back into my cubby hole. The bell rings and his heavy footsteps get closer until he's standing above me. His falls to his knees and we wrap are arms around each other.

"Damn you're hiding places." He says into my shoulder. "Don't you ever," his voice snags and a sob escapes him. "ever, do that to me again." He doesn't even bother stopping them now, as he cries into me shoulder.

"I'm sorry." I say.

His lips press against my neck, then to my cheek and then to my lips. When we break for air I hear Peeta chuckle.

"What?"

"Haymitch is going to kill you! He lost a very good chunk of getting drunk time looking for you."

"Haymitch?"

"Yeah, he just got back, I caught him on his way to the village, asked him if you'd run by. He asked why and I told him that we had been looking for you for the past hours." He emphasized the last word.

"I'm sorry." I say again. "who was looking?"

"I didn't bother the whole of 12, it's only Haymich, Greasy Sae, Hazel and… her kid."

Gale. Peeta's eyes widen and he curses under his breathe.

"What?"

"They don't know I have you." He grabs my hand and lead me out of the Bakery.

"Damn it sweetheart!"

Is the first sounds to hit me when we walk through the door. Peeta said that once it became a full on man hunt, the people who were searching meet back up at the house every hour. So that's where they were all now, Haymich, Grease Sae, Hazel and, him.

"Are you okay hun?" Hazel asks, coming forward to hug me. I nod.

"What the hell were you thinking running off like that?"

I look at Haymich and I'm not surprised to see real worry in his face.

"I'm sorry Hay-"

"Do you realize how close I was to calling Paylor, to tell her that you-"

I don't know if it's from the emotions low I've been in today or what, but I hug my mentor. At first he doesn't know what to do, but then he pats my back clumsily. "Okay sweetheart, okay."

Out of the corner of my eye I see Peeta and Gale exchange a look. I pull back from Haymitch and address the room,

"Sorry for keeping you all up." I look at Hazel. "I just lost track of time."

Grease Sae walks over and kisses my forehead.

"Alright Katniss, you get some sleep now."

I smile and nod as they all file out. Hazel is the last to go, and with a fuming look at Gale he follows her without a word.

I walk up the stair and slip into the bed once the door swings closed behind them all.

"I am sorry Peeta."

He sits on the bed next to me and cups me cheek.

"Don't worry about it… sweetheart."

He crawls into bed and curls up next to me. Suddenly I remember the look between him and Gale. "Well its good that you and Gale became friends through this experience."

He doesn't talk for a long moment. "I guess we came to more of an… understanding." He says.

I unhook myself from his arms and roll over to the other side of the bed.

Peeta groans. "I thought you weren't mad at me."

"I'm not." I puff back.

"Then come back over here." He says softly,

"I'm not in the mood for that tonight."

The bed creeks and his arms are around me.

"You know what Katniss, I really don't care." He snaps, "You gave me a huge scare tonight, and I am going to go too sleep with the feeling of you in my arms, weather you want it or not."

After a few seconds we move into our usually sleeping position. The feeling of Peeta's arms around me are comforting, and I coil into him.

"Peeta?"

He squeezes me as confirmation,

"What was the understanding?"

"Its not a short story Katniss."

I roll over, looking into his face. The full moon's light is enough to see by, and his face is the same concerned mask he had been wearing when he found me.

"it's not that important."

I reached up and touch his cheek, letting my fingers linger on his jawbone.

He takes a deep breathe. "I just… I had gotten…" He begins.

I look at him inquisitively; this was obviously not of small importance if it rendered Peeta Mellark helpless with words.

"Its just… I know how much you care about him and… I guess… I got scared."

"I understand." I tell him. "But you don't have to be."

He smiles, but I can see that its forced. "I know, but I also know how hard it is to let old feelings die. If he was… back-"

I lean forward and touch my lips to his. "Peeta, I'm not going anywhere."

This time his smile is not forced, but it's small, as though he doesn't fully believe me. He closes the distant between us and kisses me. With all that had happened today, the feeling of Peeta is soothing.

"That wasn't that long." I say when we part.

"That was only a small part of it."

I open my mouth but he cuts me off.

"I'd rather just lay here Katniss. We can talk tomorrow."

I agree and lay my head on his chest, listening to the sound of his heart bet. I can understand his concern, as unnecessary as it is. Yes, old feelings are hard to kill but I never had those feelings for Gale. Well I thought I did, but they weren't real, not like with Peeta. I love… loved Gale, but not in the way I love Peeta. I hear Peeta's heart become the rhythmic sound that tell's me he's fast asleep and I soon follow, lulled by the sound.

I left myself up off Peeta's chest, and wipe something wet off my cheek. His shirt is covered in sweat an his face is ash white. He's till fast asleep, and, by the way his chest is rapidly rising and falling, I know his still in a nightmare. Sometimes I wish he did thrash in his sleep, so I could know and help. I've never caught him in a nightmare, and by the look of him, he's been in this one for a while.

"Peeta?" I brush the hair from his forehead and continue the motion, the way I do when his in having a episode. Peeta's mussels are as tight as a bowstrings and his lips are pressed together so hard its not surprising that no sound has made it through them. "Peeta."

His head whips back and forth in three, fast movements, then because still again. His lips split with a gasp, and he starts, grabbing me. The quickness of the motion frightens me and I scream. I sit here, unmoving as he struggle for breath. His hands quake against my side, his eyes are full of fear, and I see my fear reflected in them. He falls back onto the pillow and presses his palms into his eyes, his fingers pulling at his hair.

"Peeta." I try to pull his hands down but he's to strong. "Peeta, Peeta stop, stop it."

He lets me pull his hands away from his face and he curls them into fists, puting them down at his side. His eyes are red but I only catch a second of them before he closes them.

"Its okay, its okay Peeta." I coo. "It wasn't really, it was just a dream. It's okay, everything is okay." I place my hands around his fists, trying to untangle his fingers.

He lets me and takes my hands in his. I look up to see his eyes opened, looking up at the sealing.

"What was it?" I ask.

He takes a few deep breathes to calm himself and once he stops trembling he tells me.

"I couldn't find you. The District was ash and ruble, there were places that were still on fire and I couldn't fine you." His voice is unstable and he squeezes my hands. "You were screaming, and you wouldn't stop. Then all at once the fires went out, and you stopped, and a cannon went off."

Tears start to slowly leaked out of his eyelids and he starts shaking again. "I ran to the Bakery and the apple tree was on the ground, and you were under it."

"Shh, its okay,"

"You looked the way you did, back-" he stammers.

"In the rain?"

He nods his head, "you'd starved to death. Then, then I…"

"I woke you up." I finish.

"Thank you. I don't think I would've been able to wake up on my own."

I lean down towards him, "Anytime"

After I get him to stop shaking, I pull him out of bed and into the bathroom. The cold water does him good. His warm body against mine, and the cool water is an odd but soothing pair, and I know that its vise a versa. The longer we stay under water, the calmer he becomes and the more playful he gets. He's kiss my shoulders, my back and nibbles on my ear. His arms wrap, unwrap and rewrap themselves around my body, and his fingers skated across my wet skin and through my wet hair.

He wraps his arms around me from behind and presses his face into my hair. He stays like this for a long moment and I turn around in his arms. His eyes hit mine and a wave of peace washes over me, like the water above my head. He leans down and brushes his lips across mine. The mixture of the cold water and the heat of our kiss is like nothing I've ever felt before. He's hold me tight as our kiss becomes more passionate. I run my nails over his back and he moans into my mouth.

Between the kissing and the water, I get the feeling of drowning and Peeta turns off the water. We just stand here, with our dripping wet bodies snaked around each other.

"Well that was a great ending to a dreadful morning." He says as he dries me off with a towel. I laugh as he pulls me against himself, giving me one more, deep kiss. "We should get dressed." I say, as he leans in and steal another kiss.


	3. The End Of A Life Time

Chapter 3...

The End Of A Life Time

The walk trough the newly built seam is like walking through knee deep mud that's dries around you're legs with every step. I'm in view of his house then I feel a tug on my jacket.

"Posey." I say.

She smiles showing off her newly acquired front adult-tooth.

"Good morning Katniss." She says sweetly.

"Good morning." I say, my attention gets captured by a bundle of wildflowers in her hands.

"What are those for?" I ask, grateful for the reason to procrastinate.

"To dry for the winter."

I nod and look down at the beautiful bouquet of flora. "Well you chose the nicest flowers in the meadow." I tell her, "want some help picking more?"

Her smile grows and she nods her head in such a flurry, it makes me dizzy. I take her hand and together we walk back towards the meadow. The flowers are colorful and vivid, and their frequency is strong and sweet from of their novelty. Posey looks like a painting, her charming baby blue dress hang in ruffles around her knees, her brown hair is loose in the wind and her arms are filled with multi-colored flowers. Many of them blue and pink; her favorite colors. I feel the panic attack coming, and I push it away, getting a hold of myself. Once our arms are full of flora, we walk back to her house, go to the hut in the back and start stringing up the plants by their steams.

"Can I clam a few?" I ask Posey, motioning to the flowers that hang above our heads. "Of course." She replies, cheerfully. She hands me a long piece of brown string,

"Mark them." she says, and turns to leave.

I cut the string into six pieces and tie them around bouquets of flowers, though I steered clear of blue and pink one. The oncoming panic attack makes my hands shake as I finish tying the string around my last chosen bunch. Prim use to do this, the first day the colorful and fragrant vegetarian popped out in spring she'd be begging me to take her. Sometimes we'd make a whole day out of it. In the old days it would be Mother, me and Prim, we'd bring a picnic and pluck them all day. Ever once and awhile our father would join us. The attack takes over my whole body and I sink to the ground.

"_Kass, momma wook!" Prim's bunch of weeds is as big as her little face. _

_Mother laughs. _

"_Prim those are just-" I begin. _

"_Lovely!" Mother cuts off; she wraps Prim into her arms and gives me a look. "Prim this is the best cluster of the day." _

_Prim smile is so big I'm surprised her face can fit it. Then I hear the soft footsteps that are as familiar to me as the sun. I twirl around to see him walking towards us. _

"_I agree with you May, our daughter knows how to pick them." _

_I wrap my arms around him and he lifts me off the ground. _

"_How was work?" I ask, _

"_dark and laud." He's regular response. He sits down and sets me on his lap. "These will all look beautiful through out the winter." He says. _

_My father smiles at mother and leans over to kiss her. Suddenly the ground begins to shake, earthquake… no explosion. My father disappears from under me and I feel the cold floor of the room Prim and I share. "I'm sorry Mrs. Everdeen, there's no way to know how the explosion was started. But… I'm so sorry, May, Emmett was down there."_

"_Mother?" Prim shakes her with a fury, as are mother sits lifelessly on the bed. "Mother please, please."_

_The cloth of Prim's shirt sticks out in the back, giving her a tail. _

"_Tuck in your tail little duck!" _

_She gave me a smile, "quack!" _

_The sun is hot on my face as Effies voice sounds. "Primrose Everdeen." _

_What, no… I feel my feet running towards her, I see Prim bent over a small child. She turns, her lips forming my name as the rest of the pods go off. _

"_Katniss!" _

_I hear her voice in the darkness. _

"_Katniss, its okay." _

_I feel her hands touch my face. _

"_Katniss, _Katniss."

_No its not Prim. The voice repeats my name over and over, the voice changes from a young child voice to an older males voice. I scream as the darkness crushes me, suffocating me._

"Its okay Katniss."

I feel hands, stroking my hair.

"Its alright Katniss, come back."

The light, even in this shack is blinding, I squint and can just make out the flowers behind a blurry face.

"Katniss?" Gale's voice is loud with earnest, and shaky.

I look at him, and a small, relived smile stirs across his face.

"Catnip." He breaths, he lifts me up and into his arms.

I'm so shocked that I don't cry or shake like I would with Peeta. Gale lets me go and moves away from me, but he's still in arms reach.

"Are you okay?"

I just stare at him, he looks down and runs his fingers through his hair.

"Posey came to get me, when, when she came in and saw you on the floor,"

"Is Posey okay?" I ask in a strangled voice.

"Scared to death, once I was here she went to get you're boyfriend." He didn't say this in a foul tone, he said it as if he had just said Peeta.

"Are you okay Katniss?" Hazels voice comes from behind me. She kneels next to me and lays her arm across my shoulders.

"Yeah."

"Gale help me." She says, putting her hand on my forearm.

Gale gives her a wide-eyed look, but in a effortless movement lifts me into the air and walks towards the house. I want to protest but my voice is nowhere to be found and my mussels are gone. He sets me on the couch and moves to the other side of the room before I sink into the cushions. What ever he saw during my panic attack really scared him. The fear is written all over his face.

"Posey went to get Peeta 10 minutes ago." Hazel tells me, she talks into the room and tries to hand me a cup of tea. My mussels still don't work and I make no move to take it. Hazel seats the cup on the table and sits next to me, rubbing my arms and strokes my hair like she's seen me do to Peeta at the Bakery.

"This is one of the worst I've had in a while." I say, I flex my mussels trying to regain control, and when I'm sure I have it I ask for the tea. Its good and sweet.

"So, that was an 'episode'?" Gale asks, "Mom told me that she saw Peeta have one in the Bakery."

"No, this wasn't like one of Peeta's Tracker Jacker induced episodes. It was just a panic attack." I say, he's seen panic attacks, working in the Mine, but I guess this was different.

"Katniss!" I hear Peeta call.

"In here." Hazel calls back.

I see Posey first, her face flushed from the run to the Bakery, her eyes wide, like her brother's, in alarm. Peeta materializes behind her. He pats her shoulder and comes to kneel in front of me.

"What was it?" he asks, I just shake my head at him.

Peeta strokes my cheek and presses his lips to my forehead. "You're still tense." He says concerned, he rubs his hands on my arms but my mussels didn't relax. He looks so worried, I want to say something, tell him that I'm fine but my lips wont release the words.

"Your okay Katniss." He says, his hand keeps rubbing my arm.

"I know." I finely manage, but my voice cracks undermining the words.

In a attempt to look okay, cause fine is out of the question, I take a long sip of tea. Peeta gives me a kiss on the cheek, acknowledging the attempt, then turns to Gale. He follows Peeta out of the room and I hear the door close. I catch Posey in the cover and look over at her.

"Come here sweetie."

She walks over slowly and crawls onto my lap.

"I'm sorry I scared you."

"Its okay Katniss. I'm sorry it happened."

We're quite for a moment and Peeta voice flows through the opened window.

"Posey was with her?"

I hear him say.

"Yeah," Gale responds, "she ran inside to get me, told me Katniss was screaming. Katniss was huddled on the floor, she wasn't full out scream but it was clear she was in a lot of pain."

Hazel touches my arm and I squeeze Posey, how scary it must have been for her, walking in on me like that.

Its quite for a moment before Peeta says. "Did she say anything?"

"No."

"How did you get her out of it?"

"I tried shaking her, but it seemed to just make her worse. I just sat there saying her name and after a while she came too."

The silence stretches out and I can feel the tension.

"What is it?"

I hear Gale ask,

"She hasn't had one this bad in a really long time." Peeta says emphasizing the last 3 words.

"What is it? The panic attacks, what are they?" Gale asks.

"Their flashbacks, for Katniss their usually clips of the Games and the war."

"What do you think this one was?" Gale asks.

"Her worst are usually about Prim. She had a really bad one about Finnick's son a week ago." Peeta says quietly.

"I'm the reason-"

"Gale-"

"No, you didn't see it, you weren't there."

"I have been here Gale, I know better then anyone what its like."

Its silent for a long moment, the silence is starting to become unbearable then Gale breaks it.

"I'm sorry; I should have been here, helping with her."

"I never cared." Peeta says. "But she did, does."

Another pause follows.

"and a lot of thing trigger them Gale."

"If it was about Prim-" Gale starts but he doesn't finish.

This silence is much longer then the others.

"Are they coming in?" I whisper, Hazel just shrugs.

"I should leave." Gale suddenly says.

"Oh yeah," Peeta's voice is sarcastic, "that'll help."

I hear Peeta's footsteps get closer to the house but then they stop.

"You should talk to her." Peeta's voice becomes very low and I have to strain to hear him. "Wait though, these things drain her. Bring your family over for dinner tomorrow night."

"I don't need-"

Peeta's voice is hard and cold. "I don't give a damn what you want. You have hurt my girl in away that makes me wish I had left you on that whipping post. You will make this right, and if you can't then that's that but you will try."

He makes his face a masks, changing his anger to worry but I can still see the reminisce of it.

"Come on," he says, coming over to the couch. "lets go home." He helps me up and once his sure I'm sound on my feet he lets me go.

"Thank you," He says to Hazel and Posey.

He wraps his arm around my shoulders and leads me out the door.

Peeta is quite until we reach the Bakery,

"I didn't turn off the ovens." He had told me with a sheepish smile. "What happened?" He asks, opening the door.

"I don't really know." I tell him.

He nods and walks into the back of the store.

I think about his conversation with Gale. Their words take turns spinning around in my head.

"_I should have been here, helping with her." _

"_wish I had left you on that whipping post." _

"_I never cared, but she does." _

Do I care? Do I hate Gale for hurting me the way Peeta does? Yes I'm livid with him but do I hate him?

"Katniss?" Peeta's looking at me nervously, "What is it?" He asks, setting me on a stool. "What are you talking about?"

Peeta puts on a weary smile. He strokes my cheek and leans in. He kisses me softly, like you would someone in a hospital bed.

He sighs, "tell me what happened Katniss and what's bothering you now."

I look down at our tangled hands and tell him about picking flowers with Posey and what I saw during the flashback. At the end I add, "Don't tell him."

He gives a sad look, "One of us has too, and if you wont I need too. Katniss, this is something he needs to know." He gives my hands a slight squeeze. "I'm going to call Dr. Aurelius tonight; do you want to talk to him about it or do you want me too?"

My breathe stagers. My hands start shaking and Peeta tights his grip.

"Katniss, shh its okay." He pulls me into a hug and I burry my face into his shirt.

"I don't want him to come over."

Peeta stops rubbing my back. "He wont be at the-" he gets it, his arms loosen but he keeps his hold on me. "How much-"

"All." I say.

He sighs deeply and he's arms become strong again.

"Did you mean what you said?" I ask.

"I said much in that conversation, you'll have to be more specific."

I look up into his face. Its soft and caring, Peeta's face usually is. He's never angry at anyone unless they deserve it and still you have to work very hard to make him so. I lean forward, laying my chin on his shoulder. I can see his window display from over it and I concentrate on a loop in the design of one of his cakes and think. Why am I so conflicted with this? Is it old loyalties that make me feel like this? I remember Gale's body, broken and bloody on the whipping post before the Quel. I remember the pain I felt, the sadness and anger, the swear words I screamed at my mother when Peeta and Haymitch dragged me out of the room. Then I see Prim, sweet, innocent, loving Prim. I think of the Reaping.

"_Up you go Catnip." _He had said. Catnip…

War does awful things to people. I remember him saying,

"_If I had a button that would kill everyone in the Capital I would use it." _Would he, or were those just more angry words from a distort boys mouth? But the bomb… I tense up. "Katniss," Peeta says, but I ignore him.

The bomb he and Beetie designed, would he have ever really use it? He had the idea of it. Should I think the ladder of my old friend? But the nut, those people in District 2 who were almost buried alive then shoot as they tried to escape.

A year, he left me here for a year while he was off in District 2, with his, what had Greasy Sae said, _'cushy job'_. He left the rest of us in 12 to pick up the pieces. He left me to pick up the pieces. No, I don't hate him, I'm ashamed of him, but that not it, there's something alts but I can't name it, something much more painful, and after it all, he can still have 'seam pride' and talk to Peeta like that; the one who did come for me, who climbed into the pill of skeletons with me.

"_I don't need-"_

"_I don't give a damn what you want… You will make this right, and if you can't then that's that but you will try."_

He can't make this right. No one can, not even Peeta could. Its gone, what ever we had, Gale and I, its over. The friendship we had is over, but does that mean that Gale is no longer part of my life? We are no longer friends, but could he be, an acquaintance? Could we go back to square one or is there, like with Peeta, to much history to do that? But that means losing Gale altogether. Do I want that?

"Peeta?"

He shifts his weight uncomfortable. "Hmm?"

I lean back to look into his face. "Did you mean what you said? That you wish you left him on the whipping post?"

Peeta's face becomes thoughtful and he looks past me as he thinks. "Yes."

I don't know why I'm shocked by his answer, its not in Peeta's nature to exaggerate. Not with things like this, but still his response scares me. "But," he continues, "I know I would do it again. Help him, I mean."

"I'm confused." I say, and he laughs.

"I'm not sure how to explain it." He thinks for a moment then says in a somber voice,

"I don't like him Katniss, I don't trust him."

And that's the word, the word of the excruciating feeling I have, the one that hurts more then the shame and the anger. My best friend, my hunting partner, I don't trust him anymore.

"Neither do I." I whisper, saying the words hurt as much as the emotion.

Peeta gives me a tortured look. "I'm so sorry Katniss."

We canceled our dinner reservation but I decided to go talk to him alone anyway. He deserves to know what I am feeling. I owe him that much, for old times sake. We walk to our old meting place in silence. I fined it cruel to have this kind of conversation here but he asked so I obligingly agreed. A year, it been a year and we still know our spots, where to sit, how to sit, it's mussel memory. It's a beautiful day, on a day like this we would have had lunch here, then hunted. We'd stay out here for hours, shooting practice, talking, Gale would rant on about killing one of his siblings or the Capital and I would stand there and listen. I prefer it that way, listening instead of talking, but I didn't have that lugery today. I have to talk, and it's his turn to listen.

"Katniss-"

"No," I cut, I can't look at him so I just stare into the sky. "I need to talk Gale."

He's quite so I continue.

"I'm not good at this." I say and can almost hear the smile inch across his mouth. What do I say? How do I start? I had asked Peeta how he got to be so good at speaking. His answer wasn't helpful, _"I don't know, I wasn't ever bad at it."_

"Why did you leave 12?" It seemed as good a place as any.

I look out past the meadow and onto the hills trying to find something to concentrate on. I decide to focus on a bush, no more then 10 feet in front of me, on the patterns its foliage makes.

"I was offered a job and I took it."

"Its that simple?" I ask,

"Yeah Catnip, its that simple."

Catnip, he throw a log on the fire. My chest burns and my eyes sting.

"Don't call me that."

He exhales, "Listen," He begins but it doesn't matter, there's nothing he can say that can take these feelings way. My head snaps in his direction, his eyes are on me. His mouth opens but I can't take it, the flames reaches my chest and the T.N.T ignites.

"No, you listen. I don't understand what happened then I got back from the Hunger Games and frankly I could care less." I take a deep breathe, trying to let the soft mountain air calm me down but it does very little. "The bomb," I begin,

Gale likes to the ground and shuts his eyes tight. "No you need to hear this."

Reluctantly he looks up.

"I don't blame you for Prims death, but I do blame you for the bomb that killed her."

He breathes out exasperated, and his tears, though not in his eyes are in his voice.

"Where isn't a difference!"

"Yes there is, you didn't kill her, you're bomb did, but you didn't set it off. Now I'm angry at you for designing it, it was a cruel design but you didn't kill Prim, Coin did."

He nods his head slowly and my breathe matches his. We are both crying now. Not full out but enough that it makes our breathes hitch.

"You left me here-"

He begins to say my name but I scream, "NO!" and hit the ground with all my might. The sound echo's in the stillness of the forest and makes all the birds take to the heavens. "You left me and everyone alts here in 12, you left us here and went on your way, and I am hurt and angry and ashamed of you. I can not forgive you for that, for abandoning us, for abandoning me. I cannot forgive you."

His face is sober and his lips shut tight. My next words make me sob so hard I can barley say them. "I don't trust you anymore."

The tears in his eyes fall slowly down his face, but he doesn't seem shocked by this news.

"I know," is all he says.

We sit there is silence, the noises of the forest become muffled by the bang of my rapidly beating heart. It slams against my chest being me to relies it from its cage.

"There's no way to fix this is there?" Gale asks me.

I look at him, my best friend stares back at me. He is the boy who caught me looking at his snares and accused me of stealing, and he's the man who pulled my sister off me at the Reaping.

"Is there?" I ask.

He takes a deep breathe and stands to leave. "If there is, I'll find it." He reaches out his hand to help me up. "And if there isn't, then I'll find away to still be apart of your life."

I reach up for his hands and he pulls me to my feet.

"My train leaves in an hour. I got to head back." He pauses, then adds. "I'm coming back for a month in the summer. I'll see you then?"

"I can't be anywhere alts."

He turns to leave but stops. "Katniss, I'm really happy for you and Peeta and I'm not just saying that, I mean it."

And with that he disperses into the woods.


	4. Freedom And New Arrangements

Chapter 4...

Freedom And New Arrangements

This crisp October morning is comfortable and I'm planning to hunt today. I'm fully dressed then the phone rings, interrupting my plain.

"Hello?" I say into the phone.

"Hello Miss Everdeen, it Paylor."

I'm shocked, in the two years of my isolation in Distract 12 Commander Paylor has never graced me with a phone call or anything close to recognition of my existence.

"Miss Everdeen?"

"Um, hi Commander… um I mean President, President Paylor."

"Its just Paylor."

I nod my head, what does she want? I never violated my incarceration.

"What can I help you with?" I ask, getting strait to the point.

"Well, I've been going over your medical records and the file of your court ordered, I guess you can call it, house arrest and I've just called to tell you that you have survived out your sentence."

My mind goes blank.

"Miss Everdeen?"

I can leave 12? The idea is so forint to me, I've never left 12, not if it wasn't for the Capital or the War. Now I can leave 12 on my own dime?

"Really?" I ask suspicious.

"Yes, Katniss. Your done, you're free."

I hang up the phone and run to the hall closet. I throw on my boots, coat and run to the Bakery.

"Peeta!" I yell as I burst through the door.

He's behind the counter the customers, a couple, ones of the few who made it out of the Village during the bombing.

Peeta holds up his finger motioning 'one second', 'now' I mouth back. He motions to the couple who are now staring at me.

"Hi!" I say cheerfully.

The lady gives me an awkward smile before turning back to Peeta.

"That will be all." The man says.

"What do you want?" I ask trying to speed up the process.

Peeta gives me a curios look, "Um, the cinnamon bead is in the back, they want two loves."

I run into the back and grab the bead.

"Here!" I practically yell as I set them on the counter. "Thank you." I tell the couple and turn to Peeta.

He gives them an apologetic look but I don't care.

"My sentence is over."

He looks at me confused.

"My sentence is over Peeta, I can leave District 12."

He starts to laugh, "I forgot you were isolated to the District." He leans in and kisses my cheek. "Congratulations Katniss."

"How did you forget?" I ask with a smile and he shrugs.

"I'm not sure, I just never bothered to remember I guess. Oh!"

He pulls away from me and reaches behind the counter, taking out an envelope and handing it to me.

"I didn't open it, it's addressed to both of us."

I flip over the envelope and look at the address. The letters are written in slender but messy handwriting, with ink the color of lilacs. Its the same writing and colored ink that Finnick and Annie's hand written wedding invitations were on.

To Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark

Of #4 Victors Village, District 12

From Annie Odair

Of #15 Ocean Parish, District 4

My hands start to shake; I haven't talked to Annie since her wedding. Peeta takes the letter from me and opens it. A small piece of paper falls to the floor and he reaches down.

"He's beautiful." He says to no one in particular, a sweet smile on his face. He hands it to me and I look down at Finnick's baby boy. He's the spiting image of Finnick; Bronze curls dangling just above his eyes, his sea green eyes. Annie is next to him, with her arms wraps around his. She looks happy next to her son. I hate having the thought cross my mind but I wonder how she's able to take care of him in her condition?

"Dear Peeta and Katniss. I heard from a friend that you can travel again, I would love for you to visit 4, and so would your mother. I want you to met Seaglass, Finnick and mines son. I would come there if it wasn't for, I can't, but I wish you two would. I don't like talking on the phone so if you could write me back it would be much appreciated. Your mother, Katniss, tells me that you and Peeta are together, oh I hope its true."

Peeta stops and I look up at him.

"What?" I ask.

"The hand writings changed."

I look his shoulder and down at the letter. Yes, the words have changed from the messy hand of Annie Odair to the fluid hand of May Everdeen. My mother is helping Annie.

"Its my mothers."

I take the letter from him and continue reading aloud. "I loved seeing you two together during the games. Finnick said it was all a front but I didn't believe,"

The sentence stops suddenly and doesn't start again, but goes into another.

"Let my know when it's a good time for you two to come and see us, and if you can't then that's okay too. Annie"

I reach out my hand and give him back the letter.

"Would you be able to Katniss?"

My head snaps up. Me? Why is it always about me? 'Can you handle this Katniss, or will you have a psychiatric brake down?' What about him? His the one who has the Traker Jacker venom messing with his mind.

"Can you handle it?" I snap back.

Peeta gives me an odd look, something between confusion and pity. Pity.

"Oh of course you can," I sis sarcastically. "You can handle anything can you? Your episodes and your nightmare, you can handle those all on your own can't you! They don't ever hurt do they?"

"What is wrong with you? All I asked is-"

"I know what you asked." I turn before he can say another word and walk out the door.

I'm in the kitchen an hour latter when I hear the front door slam shut.

"All right what was that?" Peeta's voice calls from the doorway.

I throw the spoon I'd been washing into the drainer.

"Nothing." I say.

It's not fair, how he can be fine with what happened to him, every time he has an episode he can look at me like its nothing while I wake up screaming every night, needing him to comfort me for hours. He walks over and grabs a towel, grabbing the spoon from the drainer and starts wiping it dry.

"I don't want your help."

"What did I do?"

When I don't answer his question he starts. "Is this cause I didn't give you the letter right away? It got to the Bakery today Katniss I wasn't hiding it from you."

I turn to leave but Peeta grabs my arm, forcing me to stay.

Before he can speak I cruelty spit at him. "What is it like not feeling hurt? Not missing anyone who was taken away from you?"

Peeta's face drops into a million pieces. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

I rip my arm out of his grasp and move swiftly up the stairs. I slam the door closed, trying to get rid of this anger. I set myself on the bed with my face in my hands. I feel so angry but I know its unjust.

I hear the door bang open as he enters. I can't look up to meet hi.

"How could you say that to me? Why? Because I don't run off and disappear for hours then I get angry or scared?"

I feel my chest tighten and my face becoming hot. "Why don't you show it?" I ask, lifting my head. "The pain your in, I know your in it same as me. How can you hide it so easily?"

He looks at me in disbelief. "Katniss, I was abused my whole life, I can hide my pain very well, its an old habit."

The day he gave me the bread plays in my mind. I hear his mother hit him for burning it, calling him names, swearing at him.

"Damn it Katniss, what do you want from me?" He yells.

"I want you to let me help you!" I scream back. I'm on my feet, my hands clutched into fists at my side. I watch as the anger melts away from his face.

"Is this because I don't tell you what my episodes are about?" He whispers.

I shake my head, trying to clear it. He walks over and tries to put his arms around me. "Don't." I breathe, taking a step back.

"Don't what? Comfort you?"

"Yes." I say the anger in my rising again. "You don't get to do it if I don't. It's not fair Peeta, that you don't let me see your pain but you get to see all of mine? Dr. Aurelius told me. You don't trust me!"

His face is drowned in pain and it grows deeper and deeper as I continue.

"Not with what you see in your episodes, you never tell me when you having a nightmare or what its about. You get to comfort me but I can't you?"

Peeta's breath because slow and trivial as he tries to sort out what I've said.

He moves past me and sits on the bed, curling his fingers together under his chin. I feel the tears streaming down my face and I wipe them away with the back of my hand.

"You comfort me after nightmares Kat-" he says softly.

"That was once, cause I caught you in it."

"No. Katniss I've told you, most of my dreams are about losing you and I'm-"

"No, that doesn't count." I retort, "And its a lie, that cannot be the only thing you see in your nightmares."

For that he has no answer.

"You don't talk to me, I'm not even allowed to see your artwork. Its not fair Peeta, that you give me all your comfort but I can't give you any."

He reaches out for my hand and I give it to him, and he leans his face against it.

"Why don't you trust me?" I ask.

His head jerks upward and he stares at my intensely. The way he did during our conversation the night we'd gotten together. Even now he's beseeching me to understand him.

"I trust you Katniss."

I shake my head no.

"Yes I do." He says harder. "I just didn't want you to have any extra pain."

I stare at him in amazement. "How is that healthy for either party?"

He closes his eyes for a long moment, then shakes his head. "I'm so sorry Katniss, the last thing I wanted was to hurt you."

I reach up and stroke his check.

"And that's the last thing I want from you. You need to let me help you." I say, brushing the hair from his forehead. "Cause that's what we do right? We protect each other?"

He gives me a smile. "Right." He says and leans in.

"Then let me protect you." I whisper before his lips reach mine.

"Come on." He says and takes my hand, leading me to his Studio. Now that I'm here I'm not sure if I want to see them. He opens the door but doesn't turn on the light.

"There's another room." He tells me as he leads me blindly across the room.

"I was going to say, cause I've been here before."

Peeta chuckles as he opens a door on the side wall, one that I've seen many times.

"I thought this was a closet."

"And I never corrected you."

The light in this room is slightly darker then in his main Studio, or maybe what's in the room is casts a darker glow. Before I'm allowed to focus my eyes Peeta's face obstructs my view.

"This wont be fun Katniss."

I give him a sad smile. "I don't expect it to be." I tell him.

He takes a deep breathe and moves out of the way. I try to construct a mask of indifference.

"What do you think?" He says in a melancholy tone.

I turn about the room, taking in every picture. "I hate them."

They are so real, there painting of things that had really happened. Just like on the train, during the victory tour.

"You've said that, real or not real?"

"Real." I whisper.

There's Cato, dead with the mutts circling him, and a painting of Mags, lying in a bed of fog. My heart lurches as my eyes connect with a painting of Finnick hanging onto the ladder.

Then I'm struck with my own face, bruised and bloody. I can see my cheekbones, the hollows under my eyes look like canyons. I take in a breathe and move on to another, and another and another, all as horrible as the first.

"How could you stand it, holding these inside you?" I ask him.

"There not inside me, their on a canvas."

"Does it help?"  
"You ask that before too, real or not real?"

I close my eyes and smile. "What I mean is, doesn't it hurt seeing them come to life like this?"

He doesn't answer right away, when he does his voice is hard and glummy. The way he sounds after an episode.

"I don't ever hang out in here. I paint the picture, then I leave. Its not like my Studio where I stay in there for hours, studying my painting after there down. I do them and go.

I'm not sure if it helps or if I'm just kidding myself, but I never dream or have an episode about the same thing, after I paint them there gone from my mind."

"Sounds like it works then." I say, nodding my head.

"You don't ever dream the same nightmare twice."

"Yes I do." I say turning to him.

"Well, I guess you do have recurring themes."

"And you?"

"Yeah." He says, his head nodding slowly.

"When do you paint them?" I ask, as I start flipping through paintings that look older then the others.

"I mean, I notice you disappearing after an episode but what about the nightmares?"

"You real didn't notice that I'm gone half the night?" He says, a hint of curiosity in his voice.

I whirl around. "You sneak off too paint these? But you're always there to wake me from a nightmare."

"Your really loud Katniss." He says sadly.

I let it go and turn back to the paintings. My heart nearly stops, I'm staring at a hazy picture of the Games, it's the scene where we were on the cornucopia but its wrong.

Disgustingly, disturbingly wrong. Instead of my arrow in Cato's hand, it's in Peeta's forehead. I jump as Peeta slams the paintings back together and pulls me from the room.

"A dream or an episode?" I ask, my voice surprisingly steady.

He turns the light in his Art Studio on. He still wont look at me.

"Episode." He says in a thick voice. I walk over and spin him around. He closes his eyes but I can still see the tears on his cheek.

"Your not allowed to hide them from me anymore, remember?"

He opens them slowly and I reach up to wipe the tears from his cheek.

"It wasn't real." I whisper.

"I know," He nods his head. "It was an episode I had then I'd first gotten back to 12. It was so bad Dr. Aurelius almost made me go back to the capital."

He takes a few steps away from me and leans up against the wall.

"He was afraid because it was about you. He thought I might become violent again."

"Why didn't you come and talk to me about it?"

Peeta gives me a smile. "I couldn't Katniss. Do you not remember the day I got back?"

Yes, I nod. I said hello and ran into the woods while he planted Primroses in front of my house. I had hid there all day.

"You know." I say, "We need to move those rose bushes over here."

I wrap my arms around his neck.

"Yeah we should." He says quietly.

I sigh and lean into him. That's why he's keep his nightmares from me, because of that painting. How many others are like it? How many of his episodes and nightmares are about me hurting him, or other he loves? Do I want to know? I tremble at the thought of them.

"Anything alts you want to talk to me about?" My question is met with silence.

"Alright re-word, is there anything you should tell me about, per our new arrangements?"

He leans in and starts to kiss me.

"That's still not an answer." I say between kisses.

"I'm very aware of that." He says, but doesn't brake the kiss.

That night it begins, and Peeta keeps too our agreement. He shakes me awake so quietly that I don't register anything wrong until I see the sweat caked on to his features.

"I almost didn't wake you." He says hoarsely.

I grab the cotton cloth off the nightstand and wipe the perspiration from his face. He sits there quietly, unmoving and unspeaking.

Finally I ask, "what was it?"

He waits a long moment before talking. "Would you believe me if I said it was a scene from the Games?"

I shake my head in frustration. "Why is that your crutch?"

"Because you were there, so I don't have to explain it." His voice cracks on the last word, he shut his eyes and inhales deeply.

"Was I hurting you?" I ask, so afraid of the answer.

"No." He says, and then adds, opening his eyes to look at me. "Do you believe me?"  
"Would you tell me if it was?" I retort,

He chuckles but it not his usual quite laugh, its stiff like a cough.

"It'll take me time to get use to this."

"Just tell me what it was about, no details."

He wraps his arms around me and I press my face into his chest. His heart bet is faster then normal though he's working at keeping his breath steady.

"It was a flashback." He says, "I was back in the Capital… and they were torturing me."

I've always been inquisitive about the time he spent being tortured by Snow, but I've never been brave enough to ask him about it. Now the question comes out on it's own, "What did they do to you there?" The second it's out I wish I can retrieve it because Peeta's pulse increase into a hammering under my ear.

He takes a deep breathe in an unsuccessfully attempt to calm himself. I move my thumb in a circular motion on his forearm, trying to help.

The clock on the wall reads 1 am but the moon is full, bright enough to see by. Suddenly I get and idea.

"Do you want to try something alts tonight? Something other then painting what you saw?"

He looks down at me; I can see that he is relieved not to have to answer my question.

"Out of pure curiosity." He says his voice colored in excitement.

"Get dressed, warmly." I tell him.

I roll out of bed and move down the stairs. I go to the linen closet first and grab three, best make it four, thick blankets and set them on the floor in the hallway.

"What's the plan?" Peeta asks.

He's dressed in thick sweatpants, a flannel shirt and thick woolen socks. He looks to the blankets and raises his eyebrow.

"Pack up some food." I say as I run passed him and up the stairs to get dressed.

"What? Wait, but Katniss." I hear him hollers after me.

After I'm dressed in a similar outfit as Peeta I return to the hallway where he is standing with a pack of food.

"Do I get to know what we're doing?" He asks.

I don't know why I feel so giddy, or why I'm doing this at one o'clock in the morning but I am. I reach into the closet and pull out our winter coats and my hunting bag. I run back up stair and stuff into the bag extra socks, pants, and shirts. I get Peeta's small box of sketching equipment, then my knife and move back down stairs. Peeta is sitting on the couch, half asleep with boots and coat on. I decide to leave him there and finish packing. Once my coat and boots are on I rouse him. The moon is enough to see by, but I reach back into the closet and grab the flashlight Bettie had made me.

Peeta doesn't ask any more questions, just follows me blindly into the woods. I know the path by heart. The moon is enough to see by, and even with the light from the flashlight Peeta's still struggling.

His hand clutches mine as he continues to trip on his fake limb. I'm not sure if it's the leg or if it's just been that long but he sounds louder then I remember, or maybe he just sounds louder in the stillness and silence of early morning. When I call him out on it he throws a handful of dead leaves at my back, hitting me right between the shoulder blades.

"It's the dead leaves." He protests.

"No its not." I say quietly, but I cover my head as more leaves shower me.

"Well, any hope I had of being a ghost in the forest was taken away with my leg." He says bitterly. I turn to him; we still have 4 more hours till sunrise and its only three miles to go.

"Well, I can't teach you how to be quiet but maybe I can teach you how not to crash around."

I reach down and lay my hand on the grown. The dew hasn't formed yet and it hasn't rained in days so the ground was perfectly dry.

"Here, take off your shoe." I tell him,

He gives me a look. "But its cold.".

"Just your shoes, your sock are what's keeping them warm anyway and your going to keep those on."

With a huff he obeys and sets his shoes beside him.

"Tread softly," I tell him, "Don't kick you feet or hoop around, or alts you'll get something logged in your foot."

His eyes grow wide.

"Oh you're like a child." I tease and take off my own shoes.

I walk towards him without a sound but a soft whisper of the leaves beneath my feet. I wrap my arms around his neck. "See?" I say.

"No, I didn't see. It night Katniss, which means it's dark out."

I snort, and he laughs. His real laugh, no trace of fear, no trace of what the Capital did to him, he was Peeta again, my boy with the bread.

After 20tny minutes Peeta's tread doesn't improver, and the more frustrated he gets the louder he becomes.

"You'll get better with time." I tell him.

After a few more minutes we slip on our shoes and continue down the invisible path. We can't be more then a mile away know, and the sun is still a half an hour away from making it's appearance.

"Can I know where we're going know?" Peeta asks.

"No." I say for the fourth time.

I hear Peeta advancing fast and I make a run for it. I'm satisfied then I hear him grunt. I take no more then 20 steps and I'm here. Its still dark so you can't see the water but I know it's the place.

I turn to see him behind me and point to where I know the small hill is, where you can see every thing, and it points you in the direction of the east.

"Lets set up over there."

"We're here?"

I smile. "Yeah, we're here."

We set up our midnight picnic and lay back on the blanket. Our coats are warm enough so the other blankets stay in the bag with our extra cloths.

Peeta perks up. "Is that water?"

Just then the suns pink and orange rays spill out over the sky.

"Oh" He breathes.

We both just sit here, watching the world around us wake up in color. The sky begins to get painted by the sun with blues, purples, pinks, and Peeta's favorite orange. The pond sparkles with thousands of vibrant, multi-colored jewelry. The foliage around us glows with a passion. As if all they want in the world is to be as colorful as the sunrise itself.

"Damn it." Peeta huffs, and I know he's thinking of his art supplies. I rummage through my bag and hand him his box. I'm thanked with a quick kiss and he gets to work. "Katniss," He whispers in my ear, as the colors start to waste way as the sky grows bluer. "This is amazing, thank you." He brushes his lips across my ear.

I turn to him. "Your welcome."

He leans in but we are interrupted by the sound of both our stomachs growling.

"What did you bring us?" I ask.

He reaches into his pack and pulls out, cheese buns, goat cheese, a tomato, smoked wild Turkey, and… "Katnisses." I laugh.

Peeta pulls out a bowl of boiled Katniss root, and laughs. "They taste good." He says, giving me a wink, and sets them with the rest of the food.

"You have been dubbed the man who packs the food."

Peeta laugh, "Can I have your knife?"

I hand it over and he starts making sandwiches. I pop off the lid of the Katnisses and toss one of the small, buttered, seasoned bulbs into my mouth.

"This place is beautiful." Peeta says, while we pick at our sandwiches. "How did you find this place?"

I lean my head onto his lap, "My father showed it to me."

We sit here for an hour in silence, curled up next to each other, and Peeta ends up falling asleep on my lap. I run my fingers through his hair, thinking. I fell the hatred I have for Snow boil inside of me. How could he have done this to him, tortured Peeta to the place of almost no repair? The tears flow down my face, and my chest burns with fear and hatred. I can't see how anyone could hurt him, this boy who only loves and cares. Who would follow you to the center of the earth if you asked him too.

Peeta strokes my leg, telling me that he's awake; I burry my face into his hair, breathing in his scent. I was so close to losing him, what would I have done without him?

"I'm so sorry for what they did to you." I whimper into his hair.

I pucker my lips and kiss the back of his head. He takes a deep breathe and rolls over, so that his facing me. He looks at my braid and takes it in his fingers.

"For the first few weeks they were obsessed with finding out what I knew of the rebellion. They kept us all in separate cells, Johanna, Annie, Darius, and the other Avox girl."

He shakes a little and I grip the front of his shirt, determined to whole on to him.

"I didn't know what they were doing to the rest of them. Sometimes you'd hear someone scream but you didn't no who. They would take me to a room, deep underground, and just beat me. Sometimes they would hook me up to a chair and pump electricity into me, but when I still didn't talk and they still didn't believe that I didn't know anything, they a… they tried something alts." He stammers.

"You don't have to-"

He laces his fingers into my braid and pulls on it slightly, almost involuntarily, "Just let me, you don't have to listen if you don't want."

"Its my turn to protect you remember?"

He doesn't reply his face is somber, as if he's at a funeral.

"They used Darius first, they took me into a room and strapped me to a chair. They left me in there for, what felt like a few hours, then they brought Darius in. They… they just started beating him.

I was screaming for them to stop but they wouldn't. Snow came up behind me and said

that if I told him what I knew they will let Darius go home. All of a sudden, one of the guards kicked Darius in the head and…"

He didn't finish, he didn't need too. "The next day it was the same drill. They chained me to the chair, left me, then they brought in the Avox girl. Instead of beating her they hooked her up to an electrified chair. Snow told me that her name was Mira, but she didn't last long. They pumped her once, and her heart gave out." The grip on my braid tightens as he spoke.

I remember her face so well, now I have a name to put with it, Mira. Oh and Darius, he didn't deserve to go like that. I'm hit with a sickening realization. We didn't recover there bodies, any of them. Not Darius, nor Mira, or Finnick, we left them there, in the Capital. I was told that Finnick's body was looked for but never recovered. And Darius and Mira, I doubt they even bother looking for them.

"Then they used Annie." Peeta says.

My head starts to sway and I see the image of Peeta, strapped to a chair hafting to watch Annie get tortured in front of him, and not being able to do anything about it.

"That only lasted a few days though. Once they finely believed me they decided to take a different root."

He moved his fingers out of me hair and to his right arm. He lifts the sleeve over his elbow. He grabs my hand from his shirt and moves it to the inside of his elbow.

"They left me alone for a week, working on some of their other guests I think. Then they came for me. They brought me to a room, it looked like the hospital room they had us in after the Hunger Games. They strapped me down and stuck a bunch of tubes into me arms. I didn't know what they were injecting me with at first, just that it hurt, burned like fire. It took 30 minutes to realize it was Tracker Jacker venom. Then all of a sudden the flow of liquid stopped and the Doctors just left. Then you walked trough the door."

I can feel the sweat collecting around my hair line.

"And what did I do?"

He closes his eyes and barely speaks the words. "You walked in, kissed my forehead, told me good-bye and then set me on fire."

My chest shatters into thousands of pieces.

"I was screaming your name. I think that where they got the idea too… what did Dr. Aureluis say? Hijack?" He asked.

I nodded slowly.

"It was a pretty simple thing actually." He says, "They would just hook me up to the tubes and leave me there for a few minutes. They did it for about three weeks, then when I was afraid of my own shadow they showed me doctored clips of the Games, and it swelled in too… well, me trying to strangle you." He says with a shaky voice.

I begin to hyperventilate and I have to move. Why am I so shocked? Was I expecting it to be fine, for him to tell me that they didn't hurt him as bad as I have believed? Was this worse then what I thought or was it the same? He's head slips off of my lap as I stand.

"Katniss?"

I walk down by the water and wrap my arms around myself. I don't hear any movement but Peeta grabs my arm and spins me around.

"Katniss."

"So, you did learn how to walk more quietly." I say.

He gives me a regretful look. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you."

I grab him, holding him in my arms, refusing to let him go. "No Peeta, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

He wraps his arms around me tightly.

"I'm sorry I didn't help you."

He doesn't tell me that its okay, that I didn't abandon him. He doesn't make excuses for me. He leans over and whispers into my ear. "I forgive you Katniss."

When we get back to the house we move to the office where I talk Peeta into write the letter, while I read it over his shoulder.

'Dear Annie,

Katniss and I would love to come and visit you and her mother in four, but we have some stuff to get sorted first. Katniss will have to stock up on meat for some people in the town, and I'll have to find someone to work at the Bakery while I'm gone, I have two people in mind but their both still in school,'

"Who?" I ask

Peeta turns to me and smiles. "Rory and Vick."

Gales brother?

"What?" I say, I didn't know they could bake, how did Peeta?

"Yeah, they help me when your hunting. Their actually good bakers, I'm thinking of hiring them on full time. Going on this trip can be sort of a, test for them." He adds and turns back to writing.

'so what do you think about sometime next summer?

Seaglass is beautiful Annie, he looks just like Finnick. We can't wait to meet him in person. As for the matter of Katniss and I,'

He smile as he continues to write.

'yes, we're actually living together now, and I for one is as happy as can be.

Write us back about what you think of us coming in the summer. I wont be able to leave the Bakery for more then a month and to be honest, I think that's all the time the people here can go without Katniss hunting.

We are awaiting your answer.

Peeta and Katniss'


	5. To The Rest Of Our Lives

Chapter 5... To The Rest Of Our Lives

Fall turns to winter, and after that spring. On the first day of May, Peeta and I take a picnic out to the pond, which Peeta refers to now as 'Emmet's pond'.

"I love this place." Peeta says to me, he takes another handful of Black Berries and shoves them into his mouth. He leans back against the tree and takes out his art supplies.

"Tell me a story." He says, "One about then your Father would take you here."

I lean my head up against him calf, and look up towards the tree tops.

"The first time my father brought me hear," I begin, "I was five years old. I remember think that this place was part of a fairytale. It was summer then he brought me here. We had been hunting. I still don't know if we, together, stumbled upon this place or if he lead me here, but he seemed just as exited as I was."

I remember the look on my fathers face, the joy he felt in this place.

"He told me to take my shoes off, that we were going swimming. We striped to our undershirts and he taught me how to swim in that pond." I say, pointing the sparkling water, just 3 feet away from us. "We stayed here all day, not worrying, not being afraid of anything. It was just us, me and him."

I hear Peeta's pencil scratching against the paper. I'm curious to see what he's drawing but I'm so comfortable I don't dare move. I close my eyes and let the sun warm my face.

The sound of Peeta's pencil is soon meet with the sound of whistling. I recognize Peeta's tune at once. It's the Hanging Tree.

"Haymitch said that you had heard my father singing this song at the Bakery."

"Um yeah." He says his hand brushes across my stomach as he reaches over me for a colored pencil. "he would hum it all the time. I never knew the words though, just loved the sound. I would hum on the way to school, when I worked, I thought it was so cool. Crept me out then I finally found out what the words were." He adds, jokingly.

"You never knew the words?"

"Nope, not until I watched that video of you singing it to Pollux."

He starts whistling again.

"Why don't you sing the words now?"

"Cause I can't sing." He says, as though this fact was as plain as day.

I chuckle, and curiosity gets the better of me. I sit up and move next to him.

"Haha… no." he says, twisting around so I can't see the picture.

"Why not?" I ask.

He smiles at me and stays put. I stick my tongue out and with amazing reflexes, he dropped his pen and grabbed it.

"Ah!" I slier, and throw my hand out, snatching his notebook. I jump up and run.

"HEY!" He yells but with the fake leg there's no way he can get up fast enough. I place the thick binding between my teeth and climb a near by tree. Once I'm half way up, Peeta is at the bottom.

"Come on Katniss this isn't funny! Give it back!"

"This is very funny, tongue grabber!" I tease.

I flip through the book until I fine the last picture. I'm staring at the pond, inside it is my father, and me at five years old, two braids and all. It looks exactly like us, but I expect nothing less from Peeta. At the top of the page in beautiful green letters are the words, 'Happy Anniversary' and on the bottom in small words are, 'I think he would of approved of me'. I shimmy down the tree and into Peeta's arm.

"He would of loved you, to be honest I think he did."

Peeta laughs, "I think he did like me. At lest I hope he did."

"Is it really our anniversary?"

He walks us back to the blanket.

"Yes Katniss, its our one year anniversary. Today a year ago is the day you said you loved me." He places the notepad beside him, pulls me up onto his lap and kisses me.

Right, I think, today is the official day I told him I love him. I never thought of it, 'anniversaries'. After my father died, we barley celebrated birthdays. The only celebration that I ever thought of was Prim birthday, -which, thanks to Peeta, we still celebrate,- and the one you were to have after the Hunger Games. Late time I can remember celebrating anything was Annie and Finnicks wedding and my birthday last year. Peeta had made me a small cake and we had a privet party, and we did the same for his. I remember my parents celebrating their anniversary. One year, my father had taken down a deer and was able to trade much of it for cookies.

Peeta brakes the kiss and smiles at me. "I love you Katniss."

"I love you too Peeta."

"Then marry me."

Peeta pulls from his pocket a small cardboard box, he opens it to reveal a small piece of brown string. I can't help but smile.

"I asked your mother for your hand, and she says that when we go to 4 this summer she'll give you the ring your father gave to her. This is just a decoy."

I look at him, I'm about to open my mouth but he cuts me off.

"If you say no, I know its not because you don't love me but because your not ready."

"Peeta." I cut in, "yes."

The look on his face is the purest form of happiness I've ever seen. He grabs my face and kisses me hard, and passionately.

"Thank you." He says.

"Thank you." I say back.

We decide to have the wedding in District 4, this summer, a small thing with our friends and family. I have to admit I loved telling them. We told my mother first, over the phone. She said she knew it, had no doubt it would be yes. "Didn't I tell you Peeta?" she had said. She was ecstatic when we told her we were thinking of having the wedding in four, but that we were going to have our toasting here. I heard Annie screaming in the background, "YES, YES, YES!". Mother said they had just sent the letter out and said to call when we had the date for when we'd be there in the summer and her and Annie would set everything up, in the fashion of District 12. I told Hazel and Posey, "Oh Katniss!" Posey screeched, jumping up and down. Hazel hugged me and told me the family would be there. "Are you going to tell Gale?" she asked.

"I'll call him, yes."

Delly came to the house that day to congratulate me.

"I went to the Bakery," she told me in a flurry of words, "and I talked to Peeta and he didn't say anything! Then I said good-bye and started to walk out the door and Peeta yells after, 'Oh, Katniss and I are getting married in District 4 and we'd love for you to be there.' Oh Katniss," She sang, "I'm so happy for you!"

I called Gale that night to tell him, he said congratulations and that he was happy for us, but that he wasn't sure if he could make it to the wedding but he'd let me know either way. I'm not sure if I really want him there or not, but its to late now. At the end of the call he said. "Congratulation again… Catnip.".

But out of all of them, Haymitch's reaction was my favorite. Peeta and I went to tell him together, we barley opened our mouths when he spoke.

"About time!" He was generally happy for us, he walked over and slapped Peeta on the shoulder, "Congrats boy." and gave me a hug. "Good going sweetheart." He whispered in my ear and promised to be in District 4 this summer.

"Yes mother, Peeta and I are going to do the toasting tonight." I tell her, Peeta will bring home the bread after work and I'll set the fire. "It only seems right, girl on fire." he had said to me this morning.

"I'll let you go Katniss. Call me before you two are on your way."

"Alright, love you." I say.

"I love you too." She says and hangs up.

"Hey sweetheart." Haymitch doesn't even bother knocking. "I got a quick question for you."

I roll my eyes, "alright but make it quick." I say with a glance at the clock, He should be home in 20 minutes.

"Don't worry I'll be gone soon enough. Just wanted to know where the wedding will be taking place and so does the Hawthorns and Sae."

I look at him, "why? My mother said she'll pick you all up from the station."

Haymitch reaches into the refrigerator and grabs a beer.

"Haymitch." I complain, but he just opened it and sits down.

"Come on sweetheart, I promised Peeta I would be drunk the entire time I'm in District 4 so I have to make up for lost time."

How can he say that like it made perfect since?

"It will be at Annie's house. You know the address."

I hear the front door close and scream out, "Haymitch is here!" before Peeta could say anything.

He walks into the room with a bag of bread, the sight of it gives me butterflies.

"Hey," Peeta says, walking into the kitchen and setting the bread on the counter. "You just saved us from a very awkward moment with our mentor." He says, quickly and quietly, giving me a kiss.

"How are you do-" He begins, but Haymitch stands.

"Don't trouble yourself boy." He says walking out the back door, and taking my beer with him. Peeta waits 30 seconds before engulfing me in his arms.

"I love you." He kisses my forehead, "I love you." He kisses my ear, "I love you." eye lids, "I love you." Cheeks, and then finally, "I love you." he makes it to my lips.

He wraps his arms around my waist and twirls me around.

He holds me in his arms, grabs the bread and caries both of us up stairs, all the while, never breaking our kiss.

He sets me down on the threshold of our room and throws the bread onto the bed. He takes my face in his hands and gives me a long, deep kiss.

"I have butterflies." I tell him, as the smile on my face begins to hurt.

He smiles, "me too."

He takes my hand and leads me through the door. Tonight in only a few sort minutes I will be Peeta's wife, and he, my husband. Mrs. Katniss Mellark, I smile grows more painful at the thought of my new title. Peeta rips two small chunks off of the loaf of bread and I start a fire. He sets the bread in the fire and pulls them out when the smell of them fills the room. He blows on the pieces and hands one to me.

"To the rest of our lives, with nothing to stand in our way; No Games, no Capital, no star-crossed lovers, just you and me."

And with that, my new life with Peeta begins. He slips his piece of bread into my mouth and I put mine in his. The bread is amazing, warm with crunchy nuts and soft, jucey berries. Peeta's sky eyes and soft on mine, he takes my hands in his and kisses them.

"I love you Mrs. Mellark."

Chills run up my spin and I smash my lips into his.

"I love you too." I say when we part for air.

He lifts me up and drops me on the bed, "You know," he jokes, while exposing his middrift. "I think I have a note book with, 'Mrs. Katniss Mellark' written in it somewhere from when I was seven."

I laugh as his hands tickle my stomach as he pull off my shirt. My eyes fall shut as his lips move up my stomach and onto my chest, where they stay as he removes my undershirt, exposing the flesh beneath. His kiss gets deeper and deeper until it engulfs me.

"Peeta." I moan and his lips make a trail up my neck to my lips. I don't let him go as he removes the rest of our cloths.

Before we go on the train we stop by the newly built Justice Building and get the legal papers for the marriage; that we will sign in 4. Peeta is unable to whip the smile off his face all the way to ocean, and to be honest so am I.

"Katniss!" I see my mother before Peeta does, waiting for the newly weds on the platform of District 4. I run up, dropping my bags, and hugging her.

"Hi mother."

She wraps her arms around me.

"Peeta!" She says, letting me go, with a kiss on the cheek and hugs Peeta.

"Hello Mrs. Everdeen."

She pulls away as if to get a better look at him. "Peeta please call me mom."

Peeta beams. "Mom." He says testing out the words and kisses her cheek.

We bring our luggage to the car and zoom down the road towards Annie's. Mother says that the wedding guests will arrive in two days, giving us time to visit before then.

"So Mrs. Mellark."

The sound of my mother saying my married name sounds odd.

"How does it feel to be married?"

"Not very different from then we were just together." I answer, apparently very childishly considering the car erupts with laughter and Peeta leans over to kiss me.

We turn down many streets and before I know it, we are out of District 4.

"Um mother." I say concerned.

"Finnick built a house for Annie, away from the town, down the beach about 20 miles or so."

I lean over Peeta and look out his window, out over the vast ocean. Its cloudy today which makes the sea a crisp gray. He puts his hand on the small of my back and kisses my cheek.

"Its beautiful, even on a gloomy day." He says.

We pull up to Annie's house about 20 minutes latter. She's standing there, in a cooking apron, a 1 year old Finnick in her arms. The pain hits my stomach and I wrap my arms around it. He is Finnick, his name might be different and his may be 25 years younger but this little boy looking at the car with crazed curiosity is his father, Finnick Odair.

The door opens, "Come on Katniss." Peeta say, he takes my hand and pulls me out of the safety of the car.

I want to go home, I don't want to be here with Annie, who lost Finnick. I never even said I was sorry.

"Peeta, Katniss!" Annie sings from the front porch.

I forgot how much Annie's voice sounds like wind chimes.

"Hey Annie!" Peeta pips up, waving to her.

He leaves the bags in the car, me, here immobilized next to it and hugs her and Seaglass. I can hear them exchange greetings but can't make out their words. Then Peeta takes Seaglass out of Annies arms.

"Hey buddy." I hear him say in a soft voice.

"Peeba!" Sheglass says, excitedly.

I forgot that Peeta and Seaglass talked on the phone. Annie kisses her sons head and moves down the stairs towards me. She wraps her arms around me, and into a strong hug.

"Hello Katniss." She says and pulls away.

"Hi Annie. This is a beautiful house." I say.

"Isn't it?" She says happily, "My Finnick made it for me."

I look at Peeta, he knows I'm struggling. He walks over, with short legged Seaglass waddling beside him like a duck. A duck, I hear Prim, '_quack!'_.

"Katniss, this is Seaglass." Peeta says taking my hand and giving it a squeeze.

"hi, an Theegass." He says, very prude of himself.

I smile at him and kneel down.

"We call him Sea." Annie says.

"Why hello Sea." I say, holding out my hand.

He shakes it with much enthusiastically.

After lunch and some catch up, mother and I agree to clean up after and Annie takes Peeta and Sea out to the water.

"So you're helping out Annie?" I ask my mother then Annie and the other two make it a good way down the beach.

"Yes, I live here with her. If she goes into an episode, which isn't that often…" She sighs heavily. "Sea triggers them the most."

"Because of Finnick?"

She nods.

"I wish there was a way to talk to her about it, to tell her I'm sorry." I say.

"Its better to just leave it alone Katniss. Believe me."

I nod, I trust my mothers judgment but I can't shake the feeling away. She laughs suddenly and I go over to the window to see what has struck her interest. I see Peeta outside, down on the beach with Sea. Peeta wrap Sea in his arms and spin him around, he sets him back on the ground and Sea runs out into the water, falling flat on his face. Peeta scups him up and sets him on his lap. Sea looks disoriented but otherwise unharmed.

"Have you two talked about it?"

"About what?" I ask still immersed in the scene outside. Just then Peeta looks up and smiles at me, I smile back.

"About kids."

I step back from the window and look away from both my family members.

"Um, no mother we a…" I sputter. I'm hit with the fear that I've always felt towards having kids. "I can't mother."

"Physically or emotionally?"

I turn to her and she reads my expression. "I had those same fears to then I got pregnant with you, and again with Prim, and every year of your life till now."

"Yes." I say sadly. "and looks what happened."

Mother comes over and hugs me. "I am so glad to have had Prim for those short 13 years then not having her at all. And your fear is old, you'll never have to go through the pain of watching your child be shuffled on a train with her future husband."

I smile at the irony. I was going to my death, yet found my future.

"and Katniss, the same goes with your father."

Now she wasn't just talking about me, and Peeta and grandkids, but Annie and Finnick as well.

"Come on love, lets go out to the others."


	6. The Wedding

Chapter 6... The Wedding

According to my mother the to-be-wedded couple is not aloud to see each other for 24 hours, until the wedding the next day. We argued that we're already married but she, nor Annie, who spent 24 hours without Finnick, would hear it. But that only lasted for a few hours.

I fell someone shaking me awake, and I'm expecting to see Peeta, like always, but it's Seaglass.

"Sea, what is it?"

He just stare at me.

"Did you have a nightmare?"

He shakes his head, his eyes wide. I look up to see Annie walks through the door.

"There's something wrong with Peeta."

I throw the covers off and start towards his room.

"He's down in the kitchen." Annie says, grabbing my shoulder and spinning me towards the stairs. I see my mother first, then Peeta. He's hunched over, clutching the tabletop so hard his knuckles are white. I walk over and wrap my arms around him from the side. I stroke the hair out of his eyes and coo his name. "Peeta, Peeta its okay."

He groans and screws up his face.

"Shh, its okay." I kiss his forehead, then turn to Annie; who is standing there with Seaglass.

"Why don't you go to bed Sea? Peeta's fine, he just doesn't feel good." I reassure him.

Annie strokes Seaglass's hair and carries him up to his room.

"What happened?" I ask my mother.

"Annie couldn't sleep so the two of us came down here. He couldn't sleep either, Seaglass, and so Peeta brought him down. We had been talking for 20 minutes then Annie asked Peeta if he was exited about tomorrow and suddenly..." She motions to Peeta.

"How long has he been like this?"

She shakes her head, trying to think. "15 minutes maybe, we came to get you once we figured out that we couldn't help."

"I've got this mother, go help Annie."

She protests but finally goes. She kisses Peeta's cheek and mine as she passes.

"Peeta?" I stroke his hair, I continue the motion for a good 10 more minutes before he comes too.

His leg gives way and he falls to the floor, but the artificial leg doesn't bend and he cries out in pain, clutches the place where his body meets the titanium leg.

"What can I do?" I ask, desperately.

"Nothing," he hisses, "there's nothing you can do."

I hear feet slamming against the stairs.

"What happened?" My mother asks in a panic, followed close by Annie.

"He fell, and his fake leg didn't bend with him."

Annie puts her hands on Peeta's shoulders, and my mother kneels next to him.

"You okay?" Annie asks.

Peeta nods and lifts his head up. "Yeah, it just hurts. I'll be fine."

My mother nods and strokes his cheek. "Okay kiddo."

She takes Annie's hand and leads her towards the stairs. "Come on, lets go make sure Sea stayed asleep through all that."

Peeta lays his head on my shoulder and groans.

"This has been quite a night for you." I tease.

He leans back and glares at me playfully. He begins to pull him self up and I grab his arm to steady him.

"Oh that hurts." He moans as he puts weight on his false leg. I pull over a chair and he sits down, bending and rubbing where the leg and his torso connect. After a few minutes he gets up and walks around on it.

"Is it alright?"

"Yeah."

He does a few more stretches then comes back and sits down.

"It'll be fine." He tells me, then smiles.

"What?" I ask

"So much for not seeing you before the wedding." He says leaning over to give me a kiss.

I smile half-heartedly, and he knows it.

"It was bad." He says, referring to the episode.

I nod, "You were in it for 25 minute. You're longest in over a year."

He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair, pushing it out of his face. "I'll have to call Dr. Aureluis in the morning." He says, more to himself then me.

"No," I grab his hands, "No you don't need to Peeta."

He smiles, "If their getting worse Katniss-"

"They aren't, it was just a bad one tonight, nothing to freak out over, you can tell him on our next appointment."

"That's in a month. Why don't you want me to tell him?" He asks.

I lean over and wrap him into a hug. "I don't want him to take you away."

"Katniss, he's not going to take me away. I was in it for awhile but it wasn't that bad."

He pulls out of the hug and takes my hand. "Lets go to bed." He says, and we walk back to my room.

"What was it?" I ask when we're in the comfort of each others arms.

He shakes his head no.

"You promised."

"I know I did, but, let me off the hook tonight okay. I don't want you to be thinking about it; Not tonight, okay?"

I nod and cuddle into him. Peeta falls asleep first and I soon follow.

Peeta's kicked out of my bed first thing in the morning. Mother tells me that Haymitch and our other friends from 12 are too arrive at 3 o'clock, and that the people from the Capital, really only Effie and Peeta's stylist should be here at 4:00. –Knowing Effie, it will be 4:00 on the dot.- The wedding will be held during sunset on the beach, around 6 like we planned. I am confined upstairs, while Peeta is confined to the kitchen. I eat my breakfast and lunch up here with my mother, who says that Annie is with Peeta. At 4 o'clock, I start to get ready. I put on a white sun dress that my mother and I had picked out in a shop downtown. The dress is beautiful but simple. Mother braids my hair the way she did for the Reaping, but this time she adds flowers to the braid, Primroses.

"Now she's here too." She rubs my shoulders and kisses my head. "You look beautiful Katniss."

I wipe a damp cloth on my face, moping away the sweat that's collected around my nose from the heat of the summer. I turn and look in the full length mirror; Cinna would be proud. The tears rise to my eyes and I blink them back. I walk over to the window and look out at all the people out on the beach. Some are spreading out blankets and laying out food while others are simply chat. I smile despite myself; He came. Gale is down on the beach, sitting on a blanket with Posey in his lap and a smile, a genuine smile, on his face. The rest of his family is sitting around him, laughing and talking with the other guests. There's not many people down there, just Haymitch, Greasy Sae, her granddaughter Nina, Annie, Seaglass, Delly, Hazel, Gale, Rory, Vick, Posey, Peeta's stylist Portia and Effie, with her bright pink hair. Her cloths though are more normal then usual, and she has very little makeup on. Now that I can actually see her face I can say that she is quite pretty. We had invited Dr. Aulius out of politeness but he wasn't able to leave a patient he has in one of the other Districts.

The sun is just dipping over the water then my mother comes to get me.

"Lets go." She says, and takes my hand.

My mothers and my bare feet don't make a sound as we descend the staircase, and Peeta doesn't hear us coming as he waits at the bottom.

I wrap my arms around him from behind and whisper into his ear. "Long time no see."

He turns around and holds me out at arms length. Peeta looks as handsome as ever in a brown button up shirt, jeans and, like everyone here, no shoes. His blond hair is slicked back, and his eyes are bright and clear. No hint of the episode he had last night.

"You look beautiful." He says.

My smile touches both my ears. "So do you."

Peeta leans down and gives me a gentle kiss.

He catches sight of my hair and whispers softly, "Hey Prim."

My mother comes over and hugs Peeta, "you two ready?"

"Yes mom." He says.

She reaches out, stroking his cheek and leans over to kiss mine. Peeta takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. Out of the window I can see a table covered with a green table cloth in the middle of our friends, and on the table is the papers that will make our marriage legal. My mother gives me a smile before leads the way out the door. We're met with clapping and whooping, and Peeta lifts our entwined hands into the air in triumph. Mother leads us to the table and everyone stands, huddling around us. I take the pen first and sign my maiden name on the form, then Peeta signs his.

He flips and page over and turns to me with a smile. "Do you want too first or should I?" He asks holding out the pen.

I take it from him and sign, Mrs. Katniss Mellark, he takes the pen back and signs his name again, Mr. Peeta Mellark. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a small box. I look down at my string ring, this is just the decoy.

"No," I say as he starts to take it off my finger. "I like it."

He laughs, "How did I know?" he says under his breath and slips the real ring on above it. The ring is beautiful, it's a pour silver band with a small strip of black coal in the middle. Peeta takes my face in his ands and leans in as the crowd around us erupts.

"To Mr. and Mrs. Peeta Mellark!" Effie sings, and everyone joins in.

Everyone comes and congratulates us. They shake our hands and kiss our cheeks.

"Congrats you two." Gale says,

"Thanks Gale." Peeta says, reachung out and shakes his hand.

Gale claps me on the shoulder as he moves back to his family. After a few minutes of mingling, Haymitch –who is surprisingly sober- and Rory carry out a beautiful wedding cake.

"I was busy today." Peeta whispers in my ear.

"It's amazing." I tell him.

It's white with touches of Peeta's color orange and Katniss leaves. It even tastes as great as it looks.

"Very impressive Peeta." Haymitch says, he reaches across us and grabs a glass of wine off the table.

"Haymitch." Peeta begins, but he's cut off.

"Having a drink isn't getting drunk." Haymitch says with a wink and walks away.

I laugh at are mentor and hear soft music starts to play from a boom box over by the house.

"Dance with me." Peeta says, he grabs my hand and leads me to a spot of open sand amities the circle of blankets. He pulls me in close and spins us around. The music plays softly, beautifully in the background. I don't recognize the song but I know that I will never forget it. Peeta's hand caresses the small of my back and he pressed his forehead into mine. The world melts away, our friends talking, dancing around us disappears, the scars on our bodies and in our minds vanish and all there is in the world is me, Peeta and the flow of music.

The world comes back to us when someone taps my shoulder.

"I think I should dance with my victor at her wedding." Haymitch takes my hand out of Peeta and begins to dance with me.

"You know how to dance?" I ask.

"I can move in a circle." He jokes.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Peeta dancing with my mother. Dancing with her new son, she looks happier then I've seen her in a long time.

"You're very lucky Sweetheart."

"I know."

I dance with Rory next who is, at the age of 15 as tall as I am.

"Remember who your boss is!" Peeta yells from across the dance floor, well, sandbox.

Rory smiles and dips me, adding a wink for good meager.

I'm sitting on a blanket, my toes in the sand and a glass of wine in my hand, when Gale joins me. He looks at me and smile.

"I have never seen you this happy." He says.

"I don't think I ever been this happy."

I look towards the dance floor to see Peeta dancing with a little girl who's head doesn't go above his waist. Peeta picks Posey up and spins her around. Gale leans over and bumps me with his shoulder. He holds out his hand for mine and through reluctant I give it to him. The music turns slow which only makes my stomach tighten more. Gale spins me and the skirt of my dress dances above my ankles.

"So are you planning to stay in 12 now that you can go anywhere you want?"

"Of courses." I say, "The bakeries there, my woods are there, I couldn't leave my home. Not full time anyway."

Gale nods and we're silent as the music continues. I see Peeta by the table talking with Haymitch, Portia and Annie. Now that Gale brings it up I think about Peeta and me leaving 12. I still can't walk through half of it without a flashback, but I'm told those will subside. But Peeta's families Bakery is there also, and I can see him leaving that, even more now that he's hired on Rory and Vick full time. No, he would want to leave, and I'm not sure I do either.

The music stops and Gale leads me back over to the blanket where my glass of wine still sits.

"So how's your job in 2?"

"Good." He says, sitting next to me. "A lot of really good people are there in 2."

"What do you do exactly?"

He laughs; I guess he gets asked that a lot. "I actually work directly under Paylor. I'm sort of her military adviser. Actually I'm going to be going away for a year or two."

"Why?"

"Recon. No one knows that's out there beyond the Districts Katniss. I and a group of soldiers and researcher are going to go find out."

Now this is the perfect job for Gale, I can think of no one better to do it.

"Congratulations that sounds amazing Gale. Will you let me know what you find?"

"Of course."

Gale taps my shoulder and points to the dance sandbox. Sea is standing on Posey's feet, who is moving in a slow circle.

"See?" I hear her say, "this is how you lead."

Gale and I bust out laughing.

"What a cute couple." I say lightheartedly to Gale.

I fell Peeta wrap his arm around my waist and he reaches out for my glass and takes a sip of my wine.

"You look tired." Gale comments just as Peeta yawns.

"Good operation." He says back. "I didn't get much sleep last night."

I look at him concerned so he adds. "Well I don't plain on get much sleep tonight either."

I roll my eyes and push away his arm as I get up. I hear the two of them laughing as I make my way towards Annie.

"Hey!" She says with a big smile.

"Hi Annie." I grab I piece of apple from the table and began to chew on it.

"So… how are you enjoying yourself?"

"Very much so Annie." I reach over and hug her. "thank you for letting us do this here."

"Oh don't think two seconds on it Katniss."

The wedding turns soft and calm the darker it gets. Posey and Seaglass fell asleep on the floor in the living room and Gale moves them up to Sea's room. People begin to file out the later it gets but Gale and his family stay well past midnight. We talk and laugh but Peeta falling asleep on my lap is the cue for the rest of them to go home.

"Do you have a place to stay?" I ask as Gale piles his sleeping siblings into a car outside.

He smiles at me as his mother slips into the front seat. "I have a hotel room in town."

He reaches for the door and looks at me with a thoughtful smile. "I never thought I'd be able to take care of them so well."

I lean over and kiss his cheek. "I'm so happy for you."

He laugh, "you too Catnip."

I walk back inside as he speeds off down the dirt road.

"Peeta?" I whisper as I shake him awake.

He rolls off the couch and we both move up stairs.

"Hey Katniss?" He says as we drift off to sleep.

"Hm?"

"I am so happy."

I roll over, "Me too." I wrap me arms around his neck and leans in. "you love me." I whisper, "Real or not real?"

He laughs and pulls me on top of him. "Real." He says and presses his lips against mine.


	7. The Future

Chapter 7…

The Future

"Hey Vick!" I say as I pass him cleaning the big window of the Bakery.

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you." He yells down as I start to walk in.

"And why not?"

"I got the good job today, its hotter in there then it is out here."

I stare at him in horror, its 95 degrees out here.

"I thought Peeta baked this morning?"

"I did." Peeta says leaning up against the doorframe. "The air conditionings broken."

I walk over to our apple tree and sit down in it's shade.

"It grew fast." I comment as Peeta sits beside me.

"Not really, we planted it after we'd gotten married remember."

I look up at the branches. 10 years we've been married and this tree has grown along with us. I look over at Peeta, his head is leaning against the base of the tree and his eyes are shut. His blond hair is sticky with sweat and his face is haggard from last night's visitors –the nightmares-. Though here, under our tree, he looks completely at peace. I start to think about the night, 5 years ago, when he first asked me what I though, then that night, 3 years ago, he had brought them up again. He really wants them, but I can't push the fear I have away. I know it's stupid but its as really to me as the air. I reach into me wallet and pull out the picture of my best friend and his new family; his wife Liesl, and their baby boy of 5 months, Kyle. Gale was so happy the day he called to tell me that Liesl was pregnant. I remember our conversation, all the way from before the last ever Hunger Games, then he talked about wanting kids. I had told him that I never wanted kids but that wasn't entirely true. I didn't want to bring up a child into this life, into that life, but life isn't like that anymore. My old fears are meaningless. Just like this apple tree, the old one died, it was destroyed, and a new one grew in it's place. I take a deep breathe and lean my head on Peeta's shoulder.

"What is it?" He asks.

"I'll try Peeta."

He leans forward and looks at my face. "Try what?"

I lean forward, very away of Vick whistling near by, and whisper into Peeta's ear.

"I want to try to… get pregnant. Tonight." I add when he doesn't move.

He leans back, pleased yet shocked. "Really?" He asks as a smile grows on his face.

"I talked to Dr. Cherlin about it and-"

He holds up his hands. "Wait, wait… who?" His happiness spills out into his voice and makes me smile.

"She's the midwife here in town." I tell him. "I went to talk to her a few days ago and she said that, depending on when we want it, tonight we would be able to try because I'll be-"

Peeta's lips stop my words. He takes my face in his hands and kisses me. After about 30 seconds water crashes over us from above,

"Hey!" I yell, but Peeta laugh

"Alright, alight!" Peeta hollers then adds in a whisper, "well that felt good."

The water stops, and Vick goes back to washing the window.

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" Peeta asks.

"Yup, and if I ever kissed her the way you just did Katniss her father would stuff me in the oven."

"Sorry." I say, fully embarrassment.

I know we're forgiven when the water sounds against the window.

"Your really sure you want to do this?" Peeta asks.

"Yes." I say very convincingly. The things I had been the most unsure about have turned out to be the things that are the most sacred to me. Out of everything, Peeta is the biggest proof of that.

"Are you sure you want to try so soon?" He asks.

"Do you not want too?"

Peeta's quick and to the point laugh silences me.

"I just want to make sure you're completely ready, I mean, once its done there's no turning back."

"No," I take a deep breathe,"I'm not completely sure, but I wasn't sure of you either."

He smiles, "very true." He looks down at his hands. "That urn really hurt." He says remembering. "So, we'll try tonight?"

"Yes," I say, "tonight."

4 months and 6 tries later Dr. Cherlin gives me the news.

"Are you sure?" I ask, I can't keep the fear at bay know, it crashes into me like a hurricane.

"Yes, Mrs. Mellark the tests show that you are 4 weeks pregnant."

My hand goes to my stomach automatically. I'm with child, there is a baby inside of me. The hand on my stomach starts to shake and it doesn't escape the her notice.

Dr. Cherlin moves a chair over to the table, "You know," she says, taking a seat. "its normal for you to be afraid with your first child." She reaches out and lays her hand over mine. "It gets easier."

We end the appointment by set up the next appointment for November 15th.

I wrap my jacket close around my body as I leave her office. I wish we lived closer so I didn't have time to dwell in my own fear filled mind.

I go strait to the Peeta's Studio when I get home. I find him sitting in front of a canvas with a pencil. I hit my fist, softly against the doorframe.

"Hey." He says gets up and moves towards me. "So?" he asks nervously.

I nod. Peeta grabs me and spins me around, all the time laughing with excitement.

"So what did she say? Tell me!" He says, setting me back on the floor.

"She said that I am 4 weeks in and that we have an appointment on the 15th, to start charting it's process and to come up with a due date."

"We're going to have a baby?" He asks, taking my face in his hands.

"Yes."

He presses his lips to mine then bends down and kisses my stomach. He looks as happy as he did the day we got married. He stands back up and places his lips on mine again, and doesn't let them go. At Peeta's touch and his happiness the frightening thoughts my mind kept playing fades away into the darkness.

After dinner I call my mother.

"I'm pregnant." I tell her right off the bat.

"Oh love, congratulations. How do you fell?"

"I'm as scared as hell." I tell her.

She tells me most of the things she did the night before the wedding, and I listened. Not really taking it in, just letting her words sit on my eardrum.

The check up on the 15th turned up good information, Peeta and I are told that it's healthy and should be here some time in July. Dr. Cherlin talks to us about things to do in the early stages of pregnancy. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, just really simple stuff, mood swings and eating. With my stomach the same size as always it was easy to let the pregnancy slip my mind, but now that I'm 5 months in there is no escaping it.

Peeta comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my torso.

"To the elbows." He says in triumph. "When's the next appointment with Dr. Cherlin?"

"Thursday." I lace my fingers with his and lean my head back against his shoulder.

Suddenly it moves, I grab both sides of my stomach and hitch in a breathe. It moved, a living thing just moved inside me.

"What is it, what happened?"

"It moved." I whisper into the air.

Peeta moves to my front. He looks scared, even more then I am. I remember Prim moving inside my mother's stomach, kicking and squirming. Peeta never had any younger siblings.

"This is normal." I tell him and his face relaxes.

The second Peeta breathes out it kicks me and makes me start.

"What?" he asks.

It kicks me again in the same place and I grab his hand, putting it over the spot, like my mother had done with me.

"Is that her?" He asks in amazement.

At the sound of his voice it kicks again.

"how do you know it's a she?" I ask.

He gives me a look like it should be obvious. "Feel it?" He asks.

It kicks again, almost at his command.

"Feel it? No son of mine would kick like that. She is your daughter Katniss."

I try to remember Prim kicking inside my mother, for something to compare kicks too, but I can't remember them very well. I can't help but smile at Peeta, even as the fear grows stronger. It must be a twisted smile because Peeta knows something's wrong.

He sets his hands on both sides of my face and presses his lips to my forehead.

"Its going to be okay." He says as he wraps his arms around me.

I lean into him, burying my face into his neck, and I let his arms comfort me. He rubs my back in circular motions, all the time cooing to me in hushed whispers. "It will be okay. We have each other know, and everything is going to be all right. Do you believe me?"

I tilt away form him and nod.

"I'm sorry Katniss." He says, stroking my cheek.

"For what?"

"For how afraid you are, and for the fact that… I don't know what to do to help you."

I lay my hand over his, "just…" I say, "stay with me."

"Always." He replies with a smile.

_The forest is all around me, obstructing my view in every direction. I can't see anything, but I can hear them laughing. _

"_Where you running too girly?" They say from behind me. _

_Turn! I scream in my head but I don't, I can't. Then it hits me, it's not me. Suddenly, a chair materializes underneath my and I look around my living room. I look back at the TV to see the girl running. She's beautiful, with long blond hair and sky blue eyes. _

"_Oh my god." The cry of horror slips through me lips as I realize at its my daughter on the screen. The small thing that was moving inside of me this afternoon is now 16 years old, on the TV screen for all of Panem to watch, and cheer on until her death. I stand up and run around the house screaming for Peeta, but he's no where to be found. Suddenly I hear my daughter scream. I run down the stares but I'm no longer standing in my house. I'm standing in the middle of the meadow, where they buried all the people who died in the bombing. My daughter is as beautiful in person as she was on Television. She has a look of disgust and hatred on her face. When she speaks its with the voice I imagine Prim having as young women. _

"_How could you." _

"Katniss!"

Peeta's voice brakes through and I wake with a start.

"Shh, its okay it was just a nightmare." He pulls my up against himself and kisses my eye lids. "Shh," he hums to me.

After I stop shaking I pull away from him and walk into the bathroom. My movements are so robotic, I let myself become numb as I turn on the water of the shower and strip out of my sweaty cloths. I lay down in the tub and let the water run over my body, washing away the nightmare of my unborn child. I don't dare close my eyes, afraid of the images I might see. I'm alone for a few minutes before Peeta comes in. He turns off the water that has filled the basin and sits next to the bathtub. He leans over the lip and brushes my soaking wet hair from my face.

"What was it?" He asks, sitting up on the edge of the tub.

"She hates me." My voice is quite, like a scared child's.

"Who?"

I run my hand over my stomach indicating that the who, is her.

He places his hand on mine and speaks softly. "Why does she hate you?"

My breathe hitches and my stomach ties itself into knots. I open my mouth to speak but all that comes out is a strangled cry and the I start to sob. Peeta puts his arms around me the best he can and I cry into his shoulder.

"What will she think of me?" I hiss into his shirt. "She'll think I'm a murderer."

"No," Peeta says firmly, "she'll think you're a hero."

I lean back and stare at him.

"She'll think you are brave and strong. She'll want to grow up to be just like you."

"How do you know that?"

He looks down at my stomach as though he can look through the skin. He looks back at me, his eye burrow into mine as he tells me, "I just do."

I start getting up but he lays his hand on my shoulder. He grabs my bathrobe from behind the door, helps me get out of the tub and wraps it around me. Peeta leads the way down the stares and into the kitchen. He sets me on the loveseat, we had set in the kitchen, and starts to make breakfast. I see the corner of the TV through the door way into the living room and chills run up my spin.

"Take them." Peeta says softly, placing my meds in front of me on the table. I abruptly feel the need for fresh air, so I leave the pills on the table and walk over to the window. I stick my head out the window and breathe in the air.

"Katniss," I hear Peeta say. "You need to take them."

"They make me sick." I say out the window.

"So you're not going to take anything? Katniss…"

"It makes me sick, and they don't help anyway."

At the sound of my voice she kicks me. I put my hand on my stomach and lean my forehead on the windowsill. I want it to go away, the fear, the anxiety. I hate jumping every time it moves, and that the stronger it becomes, the closer she gets to leaving my body, the more my heart seems to crush under the wait that is on top of me. Peeta places his hand on my shoulder.

"Do you want to talk to me about it?"

"I don't…" I continue to stare out the window, letting the cold air calms me down. "I don't know, I'm not sure I can put it in words."

He leans over and kisses my cheek. "Alright." He says.

She squirms as he walks away.

I'm not sure if Peetas more tense then I am. Every night, and every morning he goes around the house making sure we have everything we need. He put Rory in charge of the Bakery a month ago, then I first started having warning contractions. I miss the innocent kicking she use to do. The first contraction was unexpected and scared both of us. It was midnight, the day after the midwife told us to get ready for them. They started out small and just grew and grew until they stopped. The due date pasted 4 days ago and Peeta and I are getting anxious.

"She'll be here soon." Peeta says, rubbing his hand across my huge stomach.

I nod. I'm not sure what makes me more worried, the fact that it isn't here yet or fear from when it comes. Suddenly a contraction hits me, its small but still makes me hunch over slightly.

"Contraction?" Peeta asks.

"Yeah, small one though." I say, laying my hand over his.

I roll out of bed as Peeta falls back to sleep. The water feels good on my hot skin. I wont even let Peeta cuddle up with me its so hot. A contraction hits me again a few hours later, it spikes at my lower stomach. This one lasts a little longer then the other had, but just by a few seconds, and I don't have another until after breakfast.

"Contraction?" Peeta asks, like he had this morning.

"Yeah, my thread one." I move over to scrape my plate, and Peeta comes up and wraps his arms around me from behind.

"Do you think?" He asks into my shoulder.

He's asked me this every day for the past three weeks.

I lean back against him, "I don't know Peeta, it could just be contractions."

"I got a call from Rory, he needs my help in the Bakery. Will you be okay or do you want me to stay?" He asks.

I turn in his arms to face him. "I'll be fine." I say and give him a quick kiss.

"Okay, you have the number, I can be back in a heart bet."

"Go." I say.

He helps me clean up after breakfast then heads out to the Bakery.

All throughout the day I've had contraction after contraction. Around 5 o'clock they were happening so regularly I started to time them.

The contraction hits me and I time it, an hour apart, I run to the phone and call Peeta.

"Mellark Bakery how my I-"

"Vick I need to talk to Peeta."

"Alright Katniss, just give me a sec I think he's in the back."

The line goes silent for a long moment.

"Her he is.".

"Katniss." Peeta's voice sounds over the phone.

"There an hour apart."

"What are?" He asks, "The contractions?"

"Yes."

Peeta tells me that he will be home in a few minutes and that he'll pick up Dr. Cherlin on the way. I'm on the couch when the door opens, but instead of Peeta its my mother and Annie.

"Mother?" I stand up and hug her. "What are you two doing here?" I ask as I hug lean over to hug Annie.

"Well I couldn't leave you to have the baby all on your own." My mother says with a smile.

"Sorry it took so long." Annie says as she slides her sandals off. "We would have been here a week ago but…" she breaks off and puts her hands over her ears, the way I saw her do in District 13.

I tug slightly on her elbows.

"Its ok," I tell her. "I'm glad your hear know."

She smiles at me and lets me pull her hands away from her ears.

"Actually your timing couldn't be better," I tell them. "I just called Peeta, the contractions are an hour a- Ohh…" I clutch my stomach as the pain strikes me.

Annie and my mother grab my shoulders and help me sit on the couch.

"Breathe." My mother says into my ear.

"That one was strong." I comment then its over.

Annie smiles, "she's on the way."

"Oh thank god!" Peeta says as he enter the room.

"What is it?" I ask as the worried look on his face gets clearer the closer he get.

"First of all, are you okay?" he says coming up and hugging me.

"That depends, what's wrong?"

He takes a deep breathe and looks around at our guest. "I couldn't find Dr. Cherlin. The boy that works for her, Johnny, he said that she had an emergence call and wont be back till tomorrow."

My heart drops into me stomach, but our guests seem perfectly fine with this news.

"That's fine." My mother says.

"Fine?" I ask.

"Katniss, I had you and Prim all by myself."

"And she helped me deliver Sea." Annie adds.

And at that moment I felt at perfectly at ease, okay not perfectly.

"What do we do?" Peeta asks my mother.

"At the moment just relax. It could be a while longer till the baby comes. We'll keep an eye on the contractions and once there a few minutes apart then," She touches his cheek. "we can freak out."

Peeta brought home cheese buns and we all sat around the living room pulling them apart and talking. Peeta's in charge of timing the contractions, and I wish he wasn't so good at it. We'll be in the middle of a conversation and Peeta will just stop talking and… Ooo.

"Stop… stopping!" I snap, "Just keep talking!" I say, huffing and puffing as the contraction grows stronger.

"Umm… where's Sea?" Peeta asks Annie.

She looks at me but thankfully obeys my request. "Home, with a friend."

"Sweetheart?"

Before I can do as much as grown Annie yells cheerfully. "In here!"

He comes into view, looking surprisingly sober. The contraction dissipates as he slowly enters the room.

"I ran into Vick in town and he told me. How are you doing?" He asks, sitting in the loveseat on the other side of the room.

Peeta looks down at his watch. "So far so…"

"Peetaaaa!" I scream. Oh this ones bad. Peeta grabs my hand and I squeeze it. This one tears through my whole stomach. It lasts longer and stronger then the others, then like smoke, it disappears.

"I asked you, I asked you." I chant.

"I know, I'm sorry."

My mother stands up and grabs Peeta's wrist, looking down at his watch.

"That was only 17 minutes apart."

"What do we do?" Peeta asks.

"Where do you want to give birth?"

"Upstairs, in our bedroom." Peeta says.

"Okay, lets move you up there shall we?"

Peeta wraps his arm around me and we move up to our room.

"Can we bring up the loveseat?" I ask not wanting to sit on the bed.

Peeta goes downstairs and after a few minutes he and Haymitch appear with the loveseat. I sit down, my back strait on the back of the seat. Peeta sits down on the edge of the bed, letting me have the whole loveseat.

"Haymitch, can you go downstairs and help Annie?" My mother asks in her authoritarian doctor voice, and Haymitch leaves the room without a word.

"Okay kiddo, what do you want us to do?" She asks me.

I look from her, to Peeta.

"Um… nothing, I mean I don't-" I cry out as I'm struck with another contraction.

"I must really be hurting your hand." I say to Peeta after it stops.

He just smiles and says, "Na… not really." And kisses my cheek.

Haymitch and Annie appear, bringing with them towels, hot water.

"Is there anything I can do?" Peeta asks.

"No!" I yell, "don't go."

He leans over the arm of the seat and strokes my hair, "Okay."

"We can handle all the preparations. Just keep timing her!" My mother yells from the hallway. Peeta turns to me, his eyes are clear blue, and he has a look on his face that I can't distinguish, a mix of happiness, nervousness, fear, and excitement. Haymitch, Annie and my mother go back and forth, preparing for the birth while Peeta and I sit here, timing the contractions and mentally prepare. After 20 minutes of getting dizzy I make them all leave, I can't stand them, all coming in and out, in and out. Only Peeta and I are in the room now. The contractions are no more then 5 minutes apart and I can feel her coming. Peeta gets up to get my mother and I get to sit here, in an empty room, with nothing but my thoughts.

My mother and Peeta come into the room and she takes my face in her hands. "Katniss," she whispers, "Annie is going to help, is that okay?"

I nod me head as a powerful contraction rips through me. I'm not able to keep it in and I scream as my mother yells for Annie.

"Are you ready?" My mother asks.

I shake my head furiously. She kisses my cheek and Annie enters the room.

"Is it time?" she asks.

"Yes." My mother says, and she and Annie starts spreading towels on the floor.

"Can you tell Haymitch to leave?" I ask Peeta, remembering his presents.

"Okay." he says, he leaves and comes back in a mater of seconds.

I slip into a cotton dress and its only 4 minutes till I'm hit with another one. I lean over and press my head against Peeta's shoulder.

"I can't do this." I moan as the contraction stops.

"Yes you can Katniss." He whispers into my ear.

The sound of her crying takes all my pain away. How could a sound that's so sad be so happy? Peeta bends down and scoops our baby up into his arms.

"Told you." He whispers to me. Our faces mirror each others with a painting of peace.

My mother cuts the baby's cord and Peeta lifts her into the air. He takes a towel off the bed and wraps her in it.

"Hi beautiful." He coos.

The sight of her in Peeta's arms is like magic, and I can just barley feel my mother and Annie's hands on my arms as they help me to sit down. She has a head of short dark hair, her eyes are closed but I know their blue like Peeta's. One small hand and one small foot peek out from the blanket. They are beautiful and olive colored. I watch she curl her fingers as Peeta brings her to me. The second he places her in my arms her eyes open, taking in the world around her. She looks over at her father, her grandmother, our friend, and her mother, me. Her eyes are her fathers, and now, at this close distance, I can take in all of her. I softly run my finger across her features, her small button nose, her dainty cheek and jaw bones, her eyebrows and her soft, and even just born, her hair is thick. She's so sweet the way she follows my touch, where my fingers brush against she tests out. She wrinkles her nose, open and closes her mouth, she opens and closes her eyes and crinkles her eyebrow. Peeta kisses my cheek and I steal back my eyes to look at him. His smile is soft and warm and he looks at the two of us with all the love in the world.

"Thank you." I whisper.

He chuckles and kisses me. Our daughter's fingers poke through our lips and we all laugh.

"Oh she's beautiful." Annie coos. She knells down in front of us and touches my hand that is cupped around the babies head. Like she was afraid to touch her.

"May I?" My mother asks, holding out her arms. The tears that are caked on her cheek are met with fresh ones as I hand over my baby girl. I lean my head back on Peeta's chest and close my eyes.

"What are you going to name it?" I hear Haymitch ask.

I eyes open slowly to see him standing at the door.

I turn to Peeta, "We didn't…" I start to say.

"We're not sure yet." Peeta cuts.

He takes our baby from my mother and walking her over to Haymitch.

"Hey kid." He says as a greeting. He doesn't take her or touch her, he just looks at her.

"Well, it's a good thing you two didn't make an ugly baby."

"Thanks." I say sarcastically as Peeta brings her back over and slips her into my arms.

It takes us tree days in bed, cuddling with her, to come up with her name. I look out the open window and back at my beautiful baby girl's eyes.

"Sky… What do you think Peeta?" I call into the bathroom. "For her name, Sky?"

Peeta comes through the door, "Sky." He tastes the name on his tongue. "Sky Primrose Mellark."

I smile, at the sound of our daughter's name. "Sky Primrose Mellark." I say.

Peeta crawls across the bed and takes her into his arms. She smiles down at him and slaps her hands against his chest, laughing hysterically.

"Perfect." He laughs and kisses her nose.

He turns his head to me, "Perfect."

And that's the end of my version of the MockingJay Prolog! I hope you all loved it, and thank you so much for reading it!


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